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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Green flags?

12 replies

Kismetjayn · 30/12/2018 18:16

There are lots of really helpful threads on red flags. I now know what to spot, the signs my STBX showed. It's made me realise I don't know what a healthy relationship looks like.

So, what are the signs you have that someone is going to be a good partner? What characterises a good relationship?

OP posts:
Fl0w3r · 30/12/2018 18:49

Following this as I feel the same. Sorry I can’t help x

madeyemoodysmum · 30/12/2018 18:55

If it’s a good relationship it shouldn’t feel forced. Things should move at a natural pace your both comfortable with

I’d like generosity but not to the extreme
Thoughtfulness
Someone who doesn’t ignore text etc but no need to respond immediately
Reliable
Same values
Allows me to be my own person
Allows freedom for the other person to grow have friends work etc
Isn’t a lazy git
Isn’t tied to his mothers apron strings
Still has mostly healthy relationships with family or friends.

powershowerforanhour · 30/12/2018 18:56

Someone who is nice to/feels warmly towards his mum doesn't guarantee that he'll be nice to you, but it's a good start.

If the adjective "kind" springs to mind when you think of their dealings with you, the rest of the human race and the animal kingdom that's a decent green flag too.

CrazySheepLady · 30/12/2018 19:19

Being very respectful towards you. Thoughtful, too. My now husband used to turn up with little surprises for me; it showed me he'd listened to the things I talked about liking.
Listening to you and taking on board your feelings, your likes & dislikes.
Making you feel totally at ease. Accepting of your foibles. Doesn't laugh at or tease you when you wear your fat knickers!
They'll do pretty much anything for you. I once said to DH in the middle of the night that I fancied some chocolate but there was none in the house, so he got up, got dressed and drove to an all night petrol station and bought me half a dozen different bars.
Doesn't try to change you.
Kind to you but also to others.
Hard working.
Planning for the future with you, not for you.
Keen to meet/spend time with your family.

There are so many little things, little green flags, that will add up. I knew within weeks that me and DH were serious, and I asked him to move in with me within 5 months.

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 30/12/2018 19:22

Being happy for you if you have success at work or exams

Encouraging you to reach your potential

Enabling you to have time to pursue things of interest to you and maintain friendships

Showing an interest in wanting to spend time with you in a meaningful way - eg taking a day off together just for quality time every few months.

Itwasatuesday · 30/12/2018 20:43

I love the fact we can have a difference of opinion, argue and then he might change his mind with no fuss or big show, just listening and agreeing. (Obviously I'm not always right and change my mind too but I don't have to agree for peace)

Purpleisthenewblue1 · 30/12/2018 20:51

Sounds obvious but nice/polite friendly to you/others. You get a feeling they are a nice person. It’s amazing how this basic requirement can missed in the lust phase!

Loveneedslove · 30/12/2018 20:55

Loyal
Honest
Gives you space but also attention
Will disagree if you are wrong. (Not just let you walk over them)
Thoughtful
Trustworthy
Trusts you
Doesn't play games
Treats you with respect

OwThatsGottaHurt · 30/12/2018 20:58

In relationship with DH for ten+ years. From the start he was really kind and generous- still is. He had a lovely family and was close with his sisters- still is. Yes yes to being genuinely happy for your success. He's not very sociable (I am), but he is delighted for me to go out with friends and tells me I look gorgeous and have a great time. Does more housework than me- just sees things that need to be done and does them.

I do think you need to listen to your gut on things. For both the red and green flags. Nobody is perfect and DH was not my type at all- but there were so many green flags I suppose that the relationship just flourished (obviously the lust side was all good too!)

Pringlemunchers · 30/12/2018 20:58

Be your biggest fan and boost your self esteem. Makes you feel better about yourself , not worse.

2cats2many · 30/12/2018 21:07

Some of the things that I like about my marriage and I would count as green flags:
-Good humour on his part. He makes me laugh and I make him laugh.

  • He's nice to my friends and family.
  • He's generous. Always buys a round, etc.
  • Loves children.
  • Would never hurt women.
  • He loves his family.
  • Is happy for me to be independent.
OrchidInTheSun · 30/12/2018 21:18

Right, listen up everybody. http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/698029-Right-listen-up-everybody

This ^^

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