Massive over reaction

[Crossroad]

Hi all,

I'm in a wonderful relationship, with the most kind and caring man and I love him dearly.
This is a stark difference to my ex who , with the amazing thing called hindsight, I now now emotionally abused me for years. Nothing I did was good enough, and everything was on his terms, we barely had any physical relationship and I felt very worthless.
Fast forward to now and I'm so happy, but things from my past keep flaring up in my head. This afternoon my boyfriend and I were intimate, and he ahem, 'got there' whereas I didn't (unusual!). He got dressed, and a short while later he made tracks to go (I already knew he was meeting a friend around 3ish).
I just couldn't help feeling used, and I'll admit that I got upset. This man is amazing and would never want me to feel like this, he was devasted that I felt upset and stayed and cuddled me.
I hate that I've reacted like this and I hate that my past is affecting this amazing relationship.
I don't know what I hope to achieve by posting, only that you lovely people have a lot of collective experience.
Thanks for reading, any advice is welcome.

He should have made sure you were o.k before he left. I don't think it's much to do with Yr past. I'd feel used too. He wouldn't want you to feel like this but you were entitled to be upset.

Do you usually get there, or is this a regular occurrence? You being left unsatisfied.

Regardless of your past, if he’s a decent bloke he should make sure your satisfied before he finishes or at least very shortly afterwards if he can maintain consciousness! It’s good that you told him and hopefully he will do better next time. It’s no wonder you felt used if he finished and then make tracks to leave, that’s shit.

*you’re

@Fuddle He made sure that I was okay before he left, in the end I told him to go and see his friend.
@Sister @raging very rare occurrence, second time ever I think. I knew that we were running close to when he had to go when we started things.
I think I just need to get over it!

If you told him and he made sure that you were OK, I wouldn't say that you were "used". I agree that you need to get over it.

You felt used by your partner because you didn't have an orgasm during sex?

This is an unusual reaction, I assume you wished to have sex, and that it's the act that's important not the end goal?

I think you are being a bit silly. Making a drama when he needed to see his friend at a certain time could look like you were trying to stop him going by crying etc so I hope he still made it.
Unsatisfying sex is a bit rubbish and ideally he would have made an effort to get you there too but perhaps felt a bit rushed by his plans? Did he even ask if you wanted him to carry on for you?

Communicate with him.

Tbf if he has a prior engagement, you have a quickie, and it's not perfect, then that's not exactly unusual. A teasing 'you owe me an orgasm later' joke and bringing yourself to climax after he's gone would be a fairly normal response to what happened, but obviously your past colours your actions and your feelings. Just keep communicating. If possible, tell him exactly what you've told us - you didn't react in the best way, you realise it wasn't his fault, and you want things to go better next time, you still love him etc etc. Should be all good.

It sounds like it was just a quickie. You were both aware he needed to leave and time was an issue. He stayed to make sure you were ok, when he realised.

It is, in my opinion, a huge over reaction. But you feel how you feel and maybe need to make steps to not be having sex under time pressure if this is important to you.

I mean, how would you feel if he reacted the same because he didn't get to finish when he knew you were having to leave soon and there was a time limit?

Ah, I'd agree with you that you over reacted.
But don't worry if it's just a one off.

New bloke sounds lovely & you sound really in to him. Don't let old feeling resurface in your new relationship. If you feel you need to process your emotions from previous relationship , perhaps seek a few counselling sessions or do something therapeutic.
Accept that you felt that way in the past and try to draw a line in the sand.
Good luck with new bf

I assume you wished to have sex, and that it's the act that's important not the end goal?

I assume he stuck around long enough to make sure he had HIS orgasm though?!

RagingWhoreBag I see you point. But if she had orgasamed and he didn't, and he reacted like this, would you be ok with that?

But if she had orgasamed and he didn't, and he reacted like this, would you be ok with that?

I’ve never known a man to leave before he “got there” so I have no idea! Somehow they seem to make it happen.

I suppose it would be seen as unacceptable for him to complain that he was left high and dry, so the same should apply here. But somehow I can empathise with OP. Maybe I’m just a hypocrite?!

Possibly an over-reaction, but perhaps if more women stood up for their own satisfaction, there wouldn’t be such a thing as the ‘orgasm gap’.

Sounds like he responded really well, and you’ve both learnt something.

Boyfriend may not have realised he left you unsatisfied. Sex is not always mutually orgasmic, a lot of people are quite happy with it that way too. They'll have occasions when they can dedicate a lot of time with each other and explore, very exciting, but there's not always time for that.

Sounds like an overreaction and you have an amazing relationship here. Someone who cares so much to stick around during your overreaction. You had a quickie, he came first, it happens and yet he had a prior commitment. Let him make it up to you another time in future and don’t guilt trip him for leaving