People who lie constantly

[Faykmemoreez]

I wasn't sure where to put this so I figured relationships would do.

I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable. I was reading a FB comment from an acquaintance (friend of OH's) that I saw on my newsfeed and she lied about something really weird. It was a post on a FB group about a certain type of animal. The OP asked if people would ever get a tattoo for [this species of animal]. So OH's friend commented and said, well I already have tattoos for x and y [different things] but I might get one for that animal too! BUT she already has this tattoo and has done for over a year! Why would she lie about that? She has no reason to, it's not a big secret and you just need to look FB photos of her to see it.

She also contacted my OH a while back to let him know that a relation of hers had just died but then it turned out this person died years ago! I'm starting to think she might have some mental health condition. What causes people to lie like that about things that can be easily proven otherwise? I'm baffled, is it attention seeking behaviour, narcissism or what? I think she's quite manipulative and she doesn't seem to like me much either.

I just don't see the point in lying about stuff that can be easily proven otherwise. Bizarre. Does anyone else know someone who does this? She's not old either so it's not down to dementia or anything.

Is she trying to drum up a connection with your OH or something?

I knew someone at uni who did this - took me a few months to realise though. She was the most extreme example I've come across and there was someone not only from her hometown but who went to the same school as her on our course so she was bound to be caught out. She said things like she had six sibling and the all went to private school (she was an only child and went to a comprehensive), her dad died (at least twice - he was still alive - she used it as an excuse when lab reports weren't done), she had a dialysis machine at home when she was younger as she was so ill, she was engaged to someone aristocratic etc...she told other people different things.

My SIL is also chronic liar but no where near as obvious as the uni acquaintance (I can understand some of the lies as a way to fit in/make herself appear more accomplished than she is but she also lies about odd things that really don't matter and I don't understand that). We're VLC now as this was coupled with a lot of sugar coated passive aggression/manipulation. In her case she ticks a lot of boxes for covert narcissism no idea about uni person though.

Most people have a conscience and have empathy - so they recognise the value of truthfulness as being morally correct; and they recognise that lies can hurt people. As such, most people will choose the truth over a lie, and need a reason to not tell the truth.

But imagine the truth has no value to you. In that case, there's no reason to choose truthfulness over a lie at any time.

For truth to hold no value requires both a lack of conscience/morality, and a lack of empathy. So when you find a massive liar, you know what you are dealing with.

My H lies. He sends messages to women from dating sites and tells them outlandish lies. About his job, where he lives, that he's single.

Many of the lies so easily proven as he gives his real name to them. I don't know why he does it as he refuses to see a counsellor but I'm exhausted.

He also lies to colleagues about what he did on the weekend, who came to our house for Christmas, he lied that we gave up our bed for my mum etc.

I dated a compulsive liar. I don't think they can help it. Lies feel more truthful than the truth.

It's horrible though, being taken in and then having to re-examine everything you were told by that person.

This helped:
www.wnycstudios.org/story/91612-deception

I know someone who would take stock photos off the internet and re-post it on his FB account and say "This is my Brother" or "This is my new adopted son" - as if image reverse lookup doesn't exist.

So there is some level of stupidity that goes along with pathological lying.

So there is some level of stupidity that goes along with pathological lying.

Agreed. It's almost like my H wants to be caught lying. The more he lies, the more indifferent I become to him and the lying is getting worse.

It’s often difficult to get into a mindset very different from your own.

Some liars are easy to work out - BUT, don’t be fooled that all liars are stupid, there are some that are professional level and fool a number people very convincingly. For the more intelligent liar I think it’s more like a sport, it makes them feel superior to other people that they can do it.

Blimey-I don’t know anyone like this!

I think I’d find it difficult not to say something. If you knew the person already had a badger tattoo (or whatever) -I think I’d have said, ‘didn’t you already have a badger one-I thought yours was lovely?’

What do they say if called out on the lies?

@Faykmemoreez OP Pleassse call her out on it! Comment underneath that she already has that tattoo! Etc etc

They did have a fling years ago before I came on the scene, she's in a relationship but says she sees my OH as a 'sibling' now, yuck. They don't have any contact these days, just online/texting.

Yeah I've heard of people (mainly teenagers) lying about achievements or whatever but strange to make out you haven't yet got a tattoo of something when you clearly have.

I was thinking of the narcissism and lack of empathy thing but she works in a caring profession (think nursing) and comes across as extremely empathetic, sweet and innocent. But I wonder if that's all put on too! She's very pretty as well, always wearing eye catching outfits.

She also talks about herself in the third person. So she'll post a pic of herself on a day out with a friend and instead of captioning it "Me and Tracey at the fair" she'll put "Sharon (not real name) and Tracey at the fair". Like Gollum!

I knew another person who lied extensively about things (having a fancy job when she didn't work, having a fancy car when she doesn't drive, having an affair with a person who later turned out to not even exist!). I am friends with her (now ex) husband and he confirmed it was all a load of BS. Such a rich fantasy life, wow.

I can't be arsed with drama so when I come across people who live like this it's really intriguing. Like how do they keep the truth from people for so long? Also in the case of the other woman she denied everything when confronted.

If you’re not lying for an obvious purpose then I think it is often down to really deep seated insecurity and feeling generally crap about yourself.

I also think really hard core compulsive liars (I had one about being engaged and she even sent herself flowers at work) is a serious mental health condition

I sometimes wonder that about certain people at work who receive flowers from their boyfriend "just because" - did they send them to themselves? Ha.

I would love to call 'Sharon' out on the tattoo that doesn't exist but I have a feeling she wouldn't take it well. I've seen her attack people before, she makes stuff up and exaggerates too so I try to keep her at arm's length while boggling at her sheer brass neck.

I have a very close family member who does this. He usually tells the lies to new or prospective partners to impress them but they’re so ridiculous and easy to disprove that he always gets caught out. It’s always the same lies relating to previous relationships and jobs. I’ve never understood it, the sad fact is that he doesn’t need to lie to impress anyone; he has a good personality, lots of positive character traits and has done well for himself career wise. My guess is that deep rooted insecurity from his childhood has caused this. It’s made me the opposite, I’m too bloody honest!