How to speak to my kids dad's partner about her behaviour to my d

[Mum2boys1girl]

Hi new to this whole thing where to start.
Well my child has recently opened up to me about her dad's girlfriend who hasn't been nice lately my child told me she makes her feel like she has a infection always wiping places my child sits all time. His girlfriend calls me names to my kids and she said to my daughter her chest ain't normal or her spine saying they stick out and recently told my kids there animals cause they don't use a knife with everything they eat aswell.
She will also talk to my eldest saying your dad can't afford something because your mum takes money off him for csa and that I spoil them and that I let them get away with everything because my son is hard work but he getting tested for adhd.
She always argues with there dad and seems controlling towards there dad.
There dad and gf been together 5years and she got on great with kids untill last year and half and it went down hill. What am asking is there away to approach this nicely as am fuming as my eldest is 11 and she worries about the way looks now thank you for any advice on what to say and do.

That's horrible :(

What's your relationship like with their dad? Could you have a conversation with him?

I spoken to him about the arguments and shouting and about her chest n spine and told him it needs to stop and ect and for him to talk to his girlfriend about the inappropriate comments she made he said he would but he never did he doesn't say out when she says nasty things to my daughter but I need to stop it as now she worried how she looks and ect and that's horrible to hear from her she shouldn't have to worry how she looks she should be enjoying life not worrying

Well what his girlfriend is doing is a form of abuse. What your ex is doing is allowing his partner to abuse his children. In your shoes I would be suspending visits to dad until I had spoken with NSPCC and taken advice on how to proceed. I have had SS involved with my children and they advised I stopped contact based on similar to what you have described but it was coming from their father as well as his partner.

I’m so sorry and really feel for your little girl. Unfortunately the same situation happened with my ds, his father and his new wife.
My son is now 15 and rarely sees his dad, never speaks to him or shares anything with him and have pretty much lost their relationship all because new wife twists everything, is manipulative and nasty to ds. It’s absolutely heartbreaking as ds and his dad used to be so close and has hurt my ds beyond measure.
Tried everything over the years, but sadly to no avail.

Suggest calling social services she’s verbally abusing them.

She's abusing your kids. Do not send them again.

Do the DC still want to go? At 11 she is old enough to have her wishes taken into account...

Thanks ladies she loves seeing her dad she still wants to go and see him just his girlfriend that making her think she doesn't want to go anymore my daughter wants to me to have a word with his girlfriend to ask her what she done wrong for her to say mean things and to try and stop it all and daughter said if it doesn't stop then she no longer wants to anymore but wants to give it one try. To me that's sad she doesn't want to upset her dad not going.

stop the visits until they can prove they are going to provide a better environment

Your poor dad.

I think the only thing you can do is be blunt and straight to the point with the gf. She is a bully and needs to be called out on her behaviour.

I’d suggest if DD wants to maintain contact with her dad that he picks her up and takes her out for the day. Is your relationship with him ok, that you can tell him your concerns and ask him to keep his partner and your kids separate?

I’d email them both and explain that your DD wants to see Dad she is struggling with negative comments from GF relating to appearance/cash. Can GF tell you what what the issue is as there should only be kindness between them?

If she was hitting your kids would you act immediately and stop all visits? This is no different. The harm for your kids is longlasting. Their dad is not protecting them.

Contact NSPCC as Maxibondi suggests, above. Your children are being abused. You need to protect them, esp as their father isn't.

Poor kids

Thank you ye I talk to dad and I will get in touch with nspcc and thanks for all advice I will take it all in and start sorting it all out