Living in the marital home after divorce

[missbee90]

Hi everyone,

Don’t really know what I’m looking for here but if anyone has any experience or has been in a similar situation I’d love to know.

My STBX left me in July, completely out of the blue.. just decided he wanted to go live the single life at 30. I’ve sinced filed for divorce and have had additional borrowing approved on my mortgage to buy him out and it’s all in process (I put the deposit in to the house 5 years ago, he only ever paid half the mortgage and bills but as the house has made equity he’s entitled to half)

I’ve decorated bits to make it feel different and don’t walk around the house thinking of him if that makes sense.. but I guess part of me is concerned that perhaps I should have sold up and bought somewhere new for a fresh start.

Has anyone stayed in a marital home and ever felt like it was theirs? Do you think because it’s only 6 months down the line that I’m worrying about nothing? X

I stayed in the marital home after my divorce simply because it was convenient to do so. After about a year I decided that I'd like my 'own' place - a fresh start. I didn't go far but it was nice to feel that I'd put the past behind me. But there's no rush. Stay until you either find somewhere better or until you really want to move on. Your life, your choice. Nice isn't it!

I wouldn’t want to stay but there are of course practical and costly reasons to keep it. However you really need to sort out the finances as part of your divorce. It’s not just splitting the equity in the house, savings, debt and pensions need to be considered. When that is all agreed you will know your financial position post settlement and divorce.

@oldstyle - & this is exactly why I posted in here because your reply is exactly what I needed to hear, thank you so much. You’ve made a 28 year old divorcing female smile! X

@LemonTT - Thank you, I’ve had a financial consent order drawn up that’s been sealed by the court so we’re all good there, I’m 28, he’s 30 so only finances to sort were the house as neither pension is of interest to the other but I’ve got the consent order drawn up just to be safe x

I did, I have completely made it my own, painted, lovely throws and cushions everywhere, rugs, doesn't have to be expensive, I buy a lot of stuff in Matalan.
It totally feels like my own home now.

Epic! I did a lot of smiling myself back then. In a slightly smug way I must admit.

I've stayed and will stay in the fmh. I have kids though and it has been important for them to have that continuity, plus my sister lives over the road so there is an extended family network that would be lost if we moved.

For me though I have realised two things - firstly I was pretty much happy with my life before he had a mid life crisis and left for OW, and that wasn't just about our relationship and him. He has chosen to leave but that doesn't make the rest of my life invalid.

Also I have realised that I put the effort and time into making this house a home. STBxh would sometimes veto things but that was about the extent of his input (he is very lazy). So this house is mostly my home and not his. A few changes and previously vetoed ideas will now happen but I am glad to be the one staying in the family home - me and my kids are still a family.