Single, pregnant and lonely

[Cassie85]

So I have a young baby and I'm pregnant again but my relationship has broken down. I suppose I wasn't happy for a while and ended things recently.

My ex is involved with baby and will be with baby 2, navigating how that will work is tricky as emotions are still high.

I suppose I'm just feeling a bit lonely. I don't want to be a single mum, I want to be in a happy relationship. I know that it'll probably be difficult in the foreseeable future to have any time for a new relationship due to having two very young children. And a lot of people wouldn't be interested in someone in my position.

Plus I think dating while newly single and pregnant doesn't feel right, for me. No judgments against anyone else who feels it's right for them though.

Does anyone have any words of advice or encouragement? Or been in a similar situation?

Your ex is involved and is willing to co-parent? He will pay maintenance? These are the things to sort out now.

Loneliness is a bit of an issue when they are small but it gets easier with time.

I've been a lone parent for 10 years almost. (No contact or money) and I would say the early years are hard

Family and friends support and baby groups...make sure you get a routine going.

I certainly wouldn't be dating until the baby is a little older thought

He is willing to co-parent, maintainence has been hit or miss but he assured me he will get on top of it.

Have you been on your own that whole time? Is that through choice? Hope that's not rude to ask, apologies if it is.

I have good family support from both mine and ex's side.

Obviously my priority now are my baby and my pregnancy. Getting in a good routine with both of them and with their dad as well.

I do want to meet someone to settle down with though although I agree with you that now is not the right time.

Ok so firstly get in the CSA calculator and tell him how much he should pay based on the care plan you and he have agreed. Be firm that you will pursue through CSA unless he pays regularly.

Yes I remained single by choice until two years ago and even then we don't live together yet. I don't want a blended family at the moment I want to focus on my kid and my career.

So taking of which have a think about what you want to do longer term for work. Being independent is the best gift you can give yourself.

Being single and comfortable in your own skin is also something to work on, I'm really happy I did this for myself. It made me much more picky when I decided to start dating again

And make sure he sticks to the plan for your eldest child's care. Good co-parenting will help you longer term too.

I've already told him that if he doesn't sort it out, I'll be going down the CSA route.

Well congrats on your new-ish relationship then. Sounds like it working for you and you're in control of the situation.

I have a good career, which I am still on maternity leave for DS at the moment. So I'm quite confident that I'm going to be financially secure and independent which is a weight off my mind. My career is still important to me too and although my babies come first, for me, I realise the importance of having something for myself that gives me that independence and a feeling of self-worth.

I am happy in my own skin, I've always been independent in relationships and always been happy being single. I suppose now my worry is that it might take a while, for lots of reasons, to meet someone and have a meaningful relationship. I'd ideally like to have more kids and I don't feel like I've met my 'soulmate' yet and that is important to me as well.

Absolutely. I want him as involved as possible but in a stable and healthy way for the kids.

Please get in touch with gingerbread.

They have local support groups.

I’m sorry that this has happened to you but it won’t mean the end of your life.

Perhaps give dating a miss for a while and plunge into a group of supportive groups x

I don’t have any children but going through a divorce at 28 so completely understand feeling lonely. I would suggest spending time with friends and family as much as possible and quality time with your little one. If you wasn’t happy in the relationship then you’ve made the right decision in letting go.
A positive story for you, a friend of mine had 2 under 3 and had resigned herself to never meeting anyone.. 5 years later she’s married and had 2 more bubbas with her now husband and is very happy - I hope that gives you some comfort xx

Thanks reflex. I'm not in a massive rush to date, I suppose I just see it a long and lonely road ahead. I adore my DS and am overjoyed to be expecting again but I do feel at the stage in my life where I want to be with someone special. I suppose although I'm not grieving my ex, I'm grieving the possibilities of the life we could have had together

Thanks missbee, that story does bring me comfort, it's exactly what I hope happens to me lol.

Sorry you're going through a divorce as well, that can't be easy. I'm lucky that I wasn't married so the break up was relatively straight forward. Wishing you all the best and hope you find true happiness soon xx

Yes it is very lonely (I'm pregnant and single with 2 older DCs) and I would not date in this situation either. However, being pregnant with a young child gives you the (and me) a good opportunity to meet new people (birthing classes, baby groups etc.) and even though this can be an effort it does pay off
Also, it means you get to focus on your kids fully without having a man distract you
So yeah, it's lonely but it won't be forever

Xx

Hang in there OP. I didn't date for 5 years as a single mum, didn't have the headspace, but once my dd was in school I got back out there. Kissed a few frogs but eventually found my prince - been together 10 years and am v happy. But I also value those years just me and dd - we have an incredibly close bond and I don't think we'll ever lose it

Thanks bumble, yeah I’ve already made one really good friend through my Ds’s ante-natal classes and she has been a great support. And you’re right, it’s good to have the time to focus on the babies, they are small for such a short time.

Jelly, this is exactly what I needed to hear. I hadn’t thought about it in this way, but you’re right, having the time just us is bound to really strengthen our bond. Thank you ❤️