Need a handhold

[SpottsAndDotts]

Dh has just informed me that he's an opiate addict and he wants to quit. I'm horrified, I don't even know where to start. We've been together 15 years, and asides from being a smoker when I met him ( he struggled give up but managed eventually) I've not had any reason to suspect. I did wonder awhile ago if something was up, he was having moodswings but any attempt by me to find out what was going on was shut down by him insisting he was fine and I was making a big deal out of nothing. He seems to think if I'm upset then it's my fault for not realising when he was lying. He just shrugged and said addicts lie, like it absolved him of any responsibility. I feel so bewhildered, I don't even know where to start.

Sorry OP, you are dealing with an active addict, and judging by that list, he's street scoring, unless that us he's going around a lot of GP weekly, going to A&E and pharmacies and that's not possible to get a stash like that.

If yes now starting to tweak about withdrawal and is scared of it, he's in a seriously bad place.

This is not good, really not good.

You need to see your own GP and tell them what going on in your your family and give permission for them to cross-reference between you and DH. That way they'll be able to see that you have some concerns about him.

I'm sorry to sound so hard but you are on the cusp of it getting much worse. He needs to seriously take action with rehab and detox and by that I mean actually go, regularly, be committed to being/staying clean and start being honest.

My XP was traipsing round chemists buying dozens of packs on nurofen plus. He was taking shitloads of the stuff.

I can’t counsel you enough to remove yourself and your children from the equation while he sorts himself out: while you stay he’s got no incentive to change and you will never know when he’s lying to you. My life became one groundbreaking, sickening shock after another and the pressure to maintain a facade of normality for people outside our family nearly destroyed me in all honesty. I look back now and realise I was just colluding with him, under the totally misguided illusion I was being a supportive partner.

It was scary making the decision to leave him to it but the hard reality was that he left me and our DD the minute he put drugs first. It wasn’t my fault no matter how many times he accused me of being unsupportive. At one stage I took on five freelance jobs and one overnight caring job per week to get by, but it was worth it and I’d do it 100x over again if I were to find myself in another abusive situation like that (because that’s what this is).

Is he in the medical profession?

Sounds a bit like it...wherever he’s getting all this it’ll be no hassle for him to find a new supply as opiates are freely available here.

I can't remove myself, I'm financially dependent on him. I've no way of paying the mortgage or providing for the children. He's been working away on a contract, its coming to an end and with it his supply hence his confession. Theres no way he would be desperate enough to risk buying it off the streets, so I think he will manage to quit . I've said he can come home next friday so he has a week to sort out his detox

I really hope this works out for you but you have to be realistic about the time he’ll need to come off this successfully. It’s more likely to take months rather than a week so just prepare yourself for the long haul as best you can. If there’s any way you can take control of the family money while this is ongoing I’d encourage you to do that, too

OP, are you the same poster who was on here a few months ago, saying her husband was addicted?

No, I only found out this weekend