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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling at rock bottom

6 replies

EmsKat · 29/12/2018 19:39

Hi. I’m on my 2nd marriage (been together 9years) - husband is really difficult and selfish but he would say it’s me that isnthese things. I have 2 children and work really hard at my own business. He works for himself and is building up his own financial empire whilst my business barely makes enough to pay my bills. He has become hateful to my daughter (she is not his) and is creating a divine in the home (him and our son) and me and my daughter. He is really clever and manipulative and has convinced himself and others that I am difficult, selfish etc. I’m utterly exhausted from work and Juggling the children - he goes away for work every week. I cannot tell him I’m feeling tired or anxious without him responding by telling me how he is feeling (which is always more dramatic and worse than I am). I’ve hit a wall. Want to cry but I don’t have the energy to. He’s a clever bully who always gets his way but makes out to me and everyone he’s the giver I’m the relationship. It’s taken it’s toll and I’ve run out of internal resources

OP posts:
Lozzerbmc · 29/12/2018 22:56

This is difficult i appreciate- he sounds selfish and you sound exhausted. I think men often go about their work and life and women now work, manage the children and run the house and wear themselves out. Have you any family to turn to ? - how long had he been like this with your daughter and why?

Hellshotforgoodreason · 30/12/2018 10:08

This sounds an awful way to live . If I were you i would be seriously asking myself do I want to be in this marriage any longer. If yes, and you want to try, see if you can sit him down and reconnect somehow ..maybe set " rules " together for you both about how you interact with each other and the kids. E.g.. when someone says they are tired the other person doesn't make it about them. If having a discussion about an issue you both concentrate on that issue and not bring up other stuff. Speak kindly as a family ect . Maybe if he sees you willing to press restart he will too? Honestly though if your not happy ( sounds exhausting) maybe look at a new future for yourself and kids. It has to be addressed one way or the other for your daughters sake it's not fair on her. Good luck.

bluebell34567 · 30/12/2018 10:20

i think time has come to have a serious talk about these problems in your marriage before you become ill.
do you love each other?
what do you get out of this relationship?
where do you see yourself with this man in the future?
if he doesnt change its time to take drastic actions.
best wishes.

EmsKat · 30/12/2018 10:22

Thank you. I just need space to get some energy to deal with what to do I think. X

OP posts:
EmsKat · 30/12/2018 10:23

Thank you. I just need space to get some energy to deal with what to do I think. Thanks for your thoughts and input - any support if hugelt appreciated X

OP posts:
category12 · 30/12/2018 10:25

If he's hateful towards your daughter, then it's very very simple. You put her first. You kick the fucker out or leave.

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