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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Advice

17 replies

Alex4476 · 29/12/2018 19:39

So..... me and my partner keep arguing and every time we do he threatens to leave, tells me i’m mad, everyone hates me. I read some stuff online about people threatening to leave you and it said to call their bluff. So I did and he’s gone, have I done the right thing?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 29/12/2018 19:40

Yes Flowers

Original poster
Alex4476 · 29/12/2018 19:41

I’m at my wits end. Thank u for replying.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alex4476 · 29/12/2018 19:44

Thank you for replying. We have 3 kids, things are complicated and busy. We argue... that’s life. But if I try to say my opinion on anything he threatens to leave me.

OP posts:
tryingtomoveon10 · 29/12/2018 19:44

Yes. My ex threatened to leave me every time we argued. It's a form of psychological control and when I finally did leave him, it came as a complete surprise to him. Plus, it's unfathomably cruel to use that as a threat unless you mean it (in which case, he should just do it).

Well done you x

Deeedeeee · 29/12/2018 19:45

He tells you you're mad and everyone hates you...?
I'd say yes, well done, you are very brave.

Original poster
Alex4476 · 29/12/2018 19:53

How did it end for you? Just interested in someone else’s story x

OP posts:
tryingtomoveon10 · 29/12/2018 19:59

@Alex4476 I'll be honest, it wasn't pleasant. It was a revolving door of "I'm sorry, I was wrong", "you're crazy and everyone knows it", "I didn't mean it" and "I hate you and never loved you". In hindsight, all that did was prove he was being psychologically abusive. He also got violent so make sure you and your kids are safe.

I'm not saying your ex will be the same with you, but I hope it is at least reassuring that, despite a pretty hellish period, I got through the other side and have never looked back x

Original poster
Alex4476 · 29/12/2018 20:06

And what if he’s never wrong... is it me?

OP posts:
tryingtomoveon10 · 29/12/2018 20:09

It's not you. If it was you, he would have left you and not just threatened it repeatedly during arguments.

Original poster
Alex4476 · 29/12/2018 20:09

Sorry... should have said well done to you that you got through it and cake out the other side. Just consumed in my own world. Apologies x

OP posts:
HappyintheHills · 29/12/2018 20:09

No - he’s not never wrong - nobody is

OoohAyyye · 29/12/2018 20:10

You've done the right thing OP. Prepare for an apology and think seriously if you want a future with this man. Stay strong.

thisisjustdaft · 29/12/2018 20:11

It's not you - it's him. That's how they work, these abusers, they make you believe that everything is your fault and you are mental, crazy, paranoid, ridiculous, nobody likes you etc etc etc. It makes you doubt yourself so much that they can manipulate you however they like.

HappyintheHills · 29/12/2018 20:12

Yeah think very seriously about staying with him, he’s looking to control you.

tryingtomoveon10 · 29/12/2018 20:20

You don't need to apologise @Alex4476, this one is all about you 🙇🏼‍♀️ look up "gaslighting" - when someone tries to convince you that you're mad.

Original poster
Alex4476 · 29/12/2018 20:50

Well he left and come back and now tomorrow he’s taking everything. Shouting and shouting and shouting. Till I burst and tell him a few home truths. Now i’m Just as bad as him

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 29/12/2018 21:23

No you’re not. He sounds awful. He can’t just take everything. Is there someone you can ask to come over before you expect him back so you feel safe?

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