If you used to be bullied/shy but you're now strong & super confident..

[Notapantodame]

-how did you manage it? What happened that enabled you to step out of the shadows & not give a fuck what others think & to be fearless in your daily life? I want my mojo back..

I read a lot of mumsnet.

I wouldn’t say I am super confident but I was attacked by my Ex and that triggered something positive in me. The attack and the subsequent fall out didn’t stop the world from turning and the sun still shone. There was a moment during the attack when I thought I was going to die but I didn’t and that puts a lot of things into perspective.

I am raising a daughter and being a mouse just isn’t conducive to raising a strong bad ass who hopefully won’t be so ready to surrender her power as I had.

Not super confident, but now only give head space to people who matter. As long as I am happy with me and how I act the rest of the world can fuck off.

I learnt this lesson from DS1, someone was having a go at him at school (stealing his glasses and so on) when he was tiny, He said it was their problem not his, it was a stain on their soul (he didn’t quite use these words but this is what he meant) and he didn’t need to worry about it.

I have lived my life by these words ever since. The only person whose behavious matters to me is mine.

I think it was moving away from all the nonsense. Not locked into that area where the people you feel shy around/bullied frequent. Gave me air to breathe and not care about what people think or say. Maybe part of it is growing out of it or becoming a parent and getting stronger from that.

This happened to me. Unfortunately when you are shy/quiet people tend to put you in a box and now when you have a voice or opinion it came across as how dare she. I found that I had to cut myself off from alot of people and situations and start fresh. This was just my experience.

My dad died in August and my ex while good for a few days after his death went back to being a selfish prick and was spending more time up the pub than before leaving me and our son at home while he had his jolly up, and because my dad had died I found the strength and thought I shouldn't have to put up with this anymore so I didn't. And I ended the relationship, something I had been wanting to do for a long long time. Now while I am still shy I certainly don't put up with half the stuff I used too. And will find my self speaking up for my self alot more.

Shyness can be overcome but not if you’re not willing to or haven’t faced your fears. Being forced into a situation that I would have quite happily of avoided made the difference.

Necessity is the mother of all invention. Putting yourself out there won’t kill you but might be the start of something unexpected and joyous.

Drama classes as a teenager totally changed me.

And turning 40. I just don't have the fucks to give any more.

Fighting your way out of the shackles of societies expectations of women. So don't try to be seen as kind, thoughtful, supportive, helpful if doing any of that makes you sigh or grit your teeth or not comment and think b.ggar it I really want to be doing ...... anything you'd rather be doing or anything your want to say. (Not sure that's exactly shyness). Basically it is not caring what anyone else thinks of you- and really people dont think if you as they are too busy thinking about themselves as you know.

Realising that the model of relationships/friendships I’d been given by my parents was both deeply dysfunctional and not the rule for the world at large, and also going to university, where for the first time I met people who prized cleverness, so I no longer had to police myself for any behaviour /vocabulary that indicated an IQ beyond the knuckledragging stage.

And absolutely to what Silkie said about leaving behind traditional female socialisation. I grew up with very strong beliefs about deferring to men, not holding the floor conversationally in mixed gatherings, and the necessity of ‘wifework’.

I left the place where I was being bullied and didn't look back.

I cut all ties with it, met some lovely friends and my dp. They all helped massively to build up my confidence when it was at rock bottom.

Also just getting older and having far fewer fucks to give.

At primary school I had to get the bus and was often late because of the buses. I really hated turning up late, walking in as 30 kids and a teacher turned to look at me etc. One day I decided to act as if I didn't care, then to go in breezily with a comment and a smile. I was acting, and continued acting and then realised one day I didn't care. This held me in good stead for teen years and beyond. I became super confident and even when I was bullied at secondary school was able to act uncaring so they gave up eventually. I hadn't heard of faking it til you make it but I guess that's what I did.

I left the area where I grew up and pretty much never returned apart from to see my parents. That gave me the space I needed to decide who I wanted to be and to try things that made me uncomfortable (charity street fundraising, working in warehouses on temp contracts, working in a call centre),.

The bit that finally made me confident was having a job I was good at where people came to me for advice and I was respected as a qualified expert.

Growing up, I was bullied. Not only because I wore glasses, but also because my friends were mostly male. I was very shy which didn't help and school was rubbish for me.

Once I left school and met my boyfriend (now husband) things started looking up for me. Having somebody love me despite my flaws like he did helped me to gradually start accepting who I am. I also got rid of everyone negative around me, no more best friends for me. Although this helped, I was still pretty shy and not wanting to meet new people.

The biggest difference I've noticed is since my little girl was born. I now no longer care what anyone thinks of me, she is my life and everything I do is for her. I will go to baby classes and meet new people if it means my little girl grows up happy, I will do things out of my comfort zone and know that all that matters in life is you and your loved ones and nobody should stop you from living your best life.