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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please help.. WWYD

23 replies

Infinity11 · 29/12/2018 17:54

I need some advice, I don't have my mum to talk to and my dads not much help.. my friends fur mixed opinions

I'll give you the situation.. tell me what you'd do

Relationship with a guy for a solid 9 months, on and off previous for a year.

I had to move away so we're an hour apart at the minute still been seeing each other reasonably regular and he'll happily drive to me (that's important!)

Similar interests and when we're together it's amazing. Very compatible, get along etc

HOWEVER

Not met any of his family or friends, he's met my siblings but avoided my dad - he says we can do this stuff when I move back in a few months

Has periods of not replying or messaging me, he says it's when he's busy

EG

He messaged me on Thursday afternoon. Nice text, I replied twice, no reply from him. Text him again Friday cos it was a big day for him, asking how it was going, no reply. He didn't reply until early hours of today being pissy with me for messaging him

But my thoughts is surely within 36 hours you can reply a short text? I would..

This kind of thing keeps happening but when I basically get annoyed and End it he says IABU

OP posts:
Original poster
Infinity11 · 29/12/2018 17:56

I did text again btw in that time to say what's going on, yes I prob shouldn't have but I was like why are you ignoring me? I think it's rude and disrespectful to repeatedly ignore someone who's meant to be important for such a long time

OP posts:
Original poster
Infinity11 · 29/12/2018 17:57

He was basically annoyed he was at a big event, but surely if we're in a serious relationship which we're meant to be I should still be able to message him?

I said sorry jesus didn't realise I couldn't text you for almost 48 hours I'll leave you alone

He sent some text about oh could have talked now I'm home but that says it all

He was most likely pissed though

Had nothing today so far

OP posts:
Original poster
Infinity11 · 29/12/2018 17:59

He doesn't care does he, that's my suspicion

OP posts:
Dirtybadger · 29/12/2018 17:59

Not replying to your girlfriend or boyfriend after 24 hours is rude IMO. I am very "hands off" but would feel the same.

I wouldn't worry about not meeting someone's family at this stage though personally.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 29/12/2018 17:59

He's just not that into you. or his wife.

Original poster
Infinity11 · 29/12/2018 18:01

Sad please be gentle with me I'm feeling fragile.

He's not married, been to his house lots seen lots of pics of his family on his fb etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Infinity11 · 29/12/2018 18:02

I'm in a constant conflict of

Is it his personality.. working lots, naturally doesn't text a lot, cautious, doesn't want to rush etc, play safe, maybe emotionally distant and a bit lazy in relationships

Or is he just an asshole

Even if it's the first idk if I want to put up with that

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theworldistoosmall · 29/12/2018 18:10

He may not have a wife but he may have a gf and they don't live together. Many people also have more than one FB account, I do.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 29/12/2018 18:12

there's really no point in posting for "gentle" replies...if you go down that rabbit hole of ^he was drunk/tired/didn't mean it you are going to be in the same situation in 12 months time only older nad much much more insecure

if it's not working for you you have to be brave and move on, or alternatively stop moaning if you are not prepared to do anything about it, and just make excuses for him. And live with this miserable rude oaf for the rest of your days.

Honestly he sounds like an arsehole to me and I would not want that for any woman I care about and I would suggest you move on.

usefulChianti · 30/12/2018 05:43

It sounds as if he's trying to change you. He is not meeting your needs to be touch when you are trying to show care and just be interested in what's going on with him. But, texting and getting upset you didn't get a reply isn't helping either of you.

I don't know if it's the way some people want instant replies these days, always attached to their phones, and so on.

He could be busy, but the abrupt tone didn't make you feel good.

In your OP you asked what to do. Find something else to distract you and stop texting. Phone him and leave a message, he said he could talk at that time (in one of your replies.) Don't wait by the phone.

Text once a day if you have something in particular you want to say. Checking in at this stage isn't moving the relationship.

Him getting "pissy" with you for your messages isn't nice, maybe he is a talker and not a texter. Why not clear the air over this the next time you are together. Is he just not into texting?

LogicMakesSense · 30/12/2018 07:04

"Wwyd?" .. Obviously it's hard as we don't know the full story but I'd cut and run. It doesn't sound like you are on the same page and you shouldn't have to distract yourself from texting your own boyfriend. Likewise it's not difficult to send a quick text to your girlfriend. You are both inducing negative effects from each other so I'd chalk it up to it just not working out and move on.

Have a calm chat to him next time you see him and look at the whole situation as if it were happening to your best friend and what advice would you give?

Hope it works out for you but remember you only get one life and you are worthy of love and respect.

Original poster
Infinity11 · 30/12/2018 13:02

Thank you for the replies

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LogicMakesSense · 30/12/2018 19:02

Have u spoken to him?

Original poster
Infinity11 · 30/12/2018 23:52

He messaged me early hours today asking if we can meet up this week? But I replied saying I couldn't do those days and nothing since..

I've told him I'm going to block him unless we sort it out

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Original poster
Infinity11 · 30/12/2018 23:53

and no reply yet though he might be out or asleep or at work

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 30/12/2018 23:59

I had to move away so we're an hour apart at the minute

Simplest suggestion : this guy doesn't do long distance.

I'll happily keep a FWB in various parts of the UK - then I can just see them when I'm in their locale. Seeing someone who lives an hour away when I regularly work 14 hours a day? Not going to happen.

AornisHades · 31/12/2018 00:12

It's fair to say you aren't a priority for him. There could be lots of reasons but if you want (reasonably) to be a priority then this isn't working.

Original poster
Infinity11 · 31/12/2018 00:17

I've blocked him

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Original poster
Infinity11 · 31/12/2018 00:18

Fordtype were not FWB or weren't meant to be

He says he loves me and wants a future all of this, and would be happy to drive an hour

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Original poster
Infinity11 · 31/12/2018 00:19

We're

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Original poster
Infinity11 · 31/12/2018 00:26

Or.. we were

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ClarabellaCTL · 03/01/2019 15:09

This is the person who now gets random strangers to stalk her bf at work. Something tells me the BF is not the one being unreasonable here.

rabbitfoodadvocate · 03/01/2019 15:23

I'd call it quits and prevent myself further hurt or future embarrassment.

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