I'm torn

[3littlesandme]

I'll try to keep this short.

I split from my H almost a year ago, after 10 years together. We have 3dc.
Reason for split were mainly his addiction and all that comes with it. I told him if he can get help and seek treatment maybe we can work things out and get back together.

Now my dilemma is this, I am so at peace with being alone with my dc, I feel like a weight was lifted when he left.

I am not sure if I want him back, do I tell him this or do I let him back and see how we get on?

Trust your feeling. Really. Trust it. Not trusting your feelings probably got you into the relationship in the first place. You don't have to repeat history.

I'd look after my mental health and draw a line under it. Why expose yourself to more heartbreak?

He doesn’t need to come back into your home. Perhaps you could have a different sort of relationship

I can't help but feel guilty, he did what he said he would do and I am now not standing by my word.

It's not your fault that his behaviours have changed your feelings for him. You said what you did at a time when emotions will have been raw and I'm sure you genuinely meant it. Whatever the circumstances that lead him to an addiction, he did have one and that impacted you and how you felt and continue to feel. It changed your feelings. That's not your fault. You can only be honest with him otherwise twelve months or more down the line it will be even harder to be honest and you'll feel even worse. Be straight, tell him you're being honest so you can try and make a decision as a pair going forward, be that together, or not.

At the end of the day if he's sought help for, and is now managing his addiction that's a huge benefit for him in itself and a massive win but it doesn't mean you have to reward him by being the prize if you don't want to be. You have a life that counts too.