domestic violence

[Runn]

Hi everyone... not really sure how to do this but here goes nothing
I'm 20 years old now I've been in a relationship with the same man (boy) he's 22 years old we have been together from 2014 we will be together 5 years in May...
Right getting scared now and I've been reading loads on this and watching other people stories on you tube but this is so much harder than I thought... Right back to the point
I don't know if it's domestic violence or I just don't know because I'm not a weak person I've went though a whole lot ( in my opinion) I was sexually assaulted as a very young child i can't remember much because I never told anyone I done what my family thought me to stand up be strong and fight not to cry because it's a sign of weakness (my family's different from most my two parents are 60 years old they have their three older girls then a ten year gap then my two big bothers and then me my mummy was 40 when I was born + she had a sterilisation before I was born but the doctors did it wrong) sorry about that but I feel a bit of back story helps... so by the time I had my beautiful baby boy in 2016 I had tried to kill myself so many times I can't remember half my teenage years but I can remember falling so hard for the man I with now he was the first male I could tell about what happen he believed me never questioned me and was their for me like no one had ever been before... that was all in the first year 2014 ( for the first year I wanted nothing else but to be with him 24/7 I never had anyone hold me above every one else) so I think it very slowly start to get bad when the summer of 2015 came around I just walked out off school sweared I was never going back and then my friends started getting out for summer so all I wanted to do was party and be with my friends but the more I did that the more he got jealous (I would be jealous person too defently then) by the end of that summer in August I took what I thought at the time would be my last overdose but I was took to hospital... then in October I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant and everything that happen in that year just went away for me like it never happen because I had to live I had this wonderful wee life growing inside me and that wee life was my saveouir I stopped thinking about ways to die and started thinking of ways to live... but the man (the child's daddy) nothing really changed for him it seemed to make him worse the more I wanted to be social the more annoyed and angry it made him so I gave in to him but my friends knew me too well and started asking questions and calling round (but I was I am too in love with him I'm scared of no one wanting me because I'm a mother because of everything I've been though I know thats stupid and I feel stupid for thinking it but it's how I feel) so when they started calling I started going out because he told me he didn't like them to I tried to make it work for everyone but that wasn't enough so he started hitting me on the arms and legs careful enough to make sure never to go near my belly... for me the past the past I can't go back and change it I wish I could so much I wish I could go back to the night I was going to meet him for the first time and just scream at the 15 year old me and say run just go back home be happy you don't need anyone your the strong one the mother one the one that takes care off your family of your friends now go because he's going to rip you down bit by bit until you feel you need him to stand!! Well it's 2018 and my son's been took hes to live with his aunt until social workers feel his homes safe enough
I know... I know it got bad I should of left before now and it's my felt but I just don't know how to do anything the right way see I thought I was going to marry this man but I don't think that's what I want anymore I know I need my son home but I don't want him home until I get this sorted!!! Please don't get me wrong I have tried to get this selfish mother to take him back to talk to him to do something with him but she tells him that if he's not with me I'll take the child and never let him see him!! that is not what I want I only want my son to be safe loved and happy nothing else!!
Hes agreed to do anger management and domestic violence classes but I don't think scrap that I know he doesn't think it's domestic violence because from I had my son I've fought back I kicked I bit I throw shit but he doesn't hear me he doesn't want to hear me... I started this because I didn't know weather or not I am in a domestic violence relationship but as I've been writing it it's really started to hit me how much I really mased up!!
Now I'm not sure what to do I don't have my family they aren't supportive in anything I have ever said or done and I lost my closest friends because of this relationship I feel like I'm stuck here!!

I don't understand how you can not think you're in a violent relationship when your son's dad used to hit you even when you were pregnant.

If you want your son back then you need to end your relationship. I dread to think what led up to your son being taken to live with his aunt. You can't raise a baby in a household where you are "throwing shit".

You say you have no family but you have your son and he should be your first and only priority at this point in time. You obviously have a lot going on and must have some sort of mental health issues because of what you've been through.

You need to get rid of this man completely for the time being, completely forget he even exists. Sort yourself out and look after yourself so you can get your son back.

Is there not anyway you can do a house swap or something similar? You can get rid of all the bad vibes from your old home, get yourself in a good way and support your child.

He needs you more than anyone ever, and he needs you to completely support him.

You need to decide. Do you want your child or do you want your abusive cunt of a boyfriend and your fucked up relationship? Because I am not seeing anywhere in your post that you actually understand that you need to leave him.

You can't have both. SS will not allow you to have your son because you are choosing the fucked up domestic abusive relationship rather than choosing to keep your baby safe. This is an adult choice YOU have to make, not him, not his mother and actually not us or the rest of the internet.

Never mind him doing courses etc, he won't, and he won't ever change. This is him - an abusive cunt. You have to choose what YOU want. Stop bloody asking the man who hits you what his opinion about the relationship is. Really, just stop that, it just allows him to fuck your head up.

Look you are young, and I understand that nothing in your life has given you the skills to understand that no man should ever, ever hit you. Not once, not ever. Not for any reason. You are worth more than that. You do not have to try to make your partner change or agree to whatever - YOU need to grow up and protect yourself and your son. You do that by splitting up and staying away forever.

And while you are at it - why are you wanting HIS mother to sort him out? You are a mother - sort out what YOUR son needs.

Just to add, he will never ever change. Men like this have a fundamentally flawed way of viewing women. Let him be some other girlfriend's problem.

Get rid of this man. It is your decision to end the relationship. You will not get your son back while you are in a relationship with this man. End it, sort yourself out, work on getting your child back. He hit you repeatedly. Get out.