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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Relationship

40 replies

Kel2101 · 28/12/2018 21:40

First poster want to hear other people’s views!
My boyfriend of 8 years and my boys dad. Has cheated on me 2 times once when I was pregnant and he came back, now the second time is still on going, he got her pregnant, is still keeping her sweet and trying to get her to get an abortion, she will be 20+ weeks now. He is also telling me he wants me back. I’ve never been so strong but get my weak moments. I don’t know what to do, he is (was) my world. I was so happy and thought he was too. He says he’s realised what he had it’s just a shame it might be too late. What do I do! X

OP posts:

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 30/12/2018 09:44

Why did you post?

Zero point in garnering opinions on here. I expect you wanted even just one person to say that yes, he might change and you should stay in the relationship. No one has, because he won't and you shouldn't.
But I think it's all falling on deaf ears and you will continue with this low-life shit. Until the next time. And the time after that.

Middersweekly · 30/12/2018 09:55

I think it’s time to take the rubbish out OP, this other woman is not going to have an abortion at 20 weeks pregnant. You’re mad if you think he will ever change. I think you’re holding onto that notion but until he’s fat and balding and can’t get laid anywhere else he’s going to keep laying his pipe! I am sure he’s telling you everything you want to hear but his actions say otherwise.

maximumcarnage · 30/12/2018 10:00

Look Kel, I know you love him and you desperately want him back. But you need a moment to think with your head and not your heart. He’s NOT good for you. In the short number of posts you’ve made it’s clear he’s cheated numerous times and will keep cheating. He can’t help himself. No matter how sincere he is about never doing it again, he will.

The fact he got another girl pregnant and is trying to get her to abort is a whole new level of nasty.

And perfect? No it wasn’t. Never was. You were just in love and incapable of seeing what he’s really like. If you want to go back to him none of us can stop you. We can’t make you do something you don’t want to do. Just understand if you have him back he’s going to cheat and he’s going to break your heart. You might be okay with that price, but what about your son? Does he deserve it? And what lesson do you suppose he will learn from seeing you two? That women aren’t important, that you can use them and that relationships don’t matter?

Think very carefully about what future you want for yourself and your son.

BackInTheRoom · 30/12/2018 10:06

Its because of the 'Investment'. You've invested in him, you're involved with his family, you feel a part of his family but he doesn't feel the same way. It's awful OP but some people don't think the same way as you do about such bonds. He basically shat on what you have by cheating etc. Bottom line is, if he was so invested in you, why'd he do it?

Twisique · 30/12/2018 10:17

He will never ever change, he will grind you down until there is nothing left. Your time is now, be strong!

Missingstreetlife · 30/12/2018 10:27

So sorry op, he's not at rock bottom, he's playing you. He's still seeing the other woman. This will never be right, now your child has a half sibling, that will be complicated.
You may be able to continue relationships with his family, but kick him into the long grass. Do they know what he has done?
Leave before this eats you up. The man you loved is dead, you need to grieve, you deserve better

Twinningsloverbutnotanymore · 30/12/2018 10:45

You'd be an absolute mug to take him back. Honest to God he cheated on you TWICE. Not only that he didn't use protection and got another woman pregnant... Forget hat she wants to Dow ugh her body, think about the fact he had no care or seco d thought about you when he was getting what he wanted. What more do you need to be done to show you he doesn't give a crap?! Get yourself to hate him, think of him having sex with her, the texts the pretend way he tells you he's sorry. Hate him, that way you'll get strength and then move on. You have a kid, this is not the behaviour you show your child that is acceptable! He's a scumbag and a rat and sorry OP but we've all been there and we need to be told some home truths to help us get through it.

Twinningsloverbutnotanymore · 30/12/2018 10:46

forget what she wants to do with her body*

crappyday2018 · 30/12/2018 10:56

You do realise that if you take him back, he will do it again right? There are no consequences for his actions. He cheats, you take him back..... All he has to do is a bit of begging, tell you he's sorry blah blah blah and the whole cycle happens again.
What sort of man cheats when his partner is pregnant with his child? What sort of man gets someone pregnant then pressures them into an abortion? The same sort of man who goes around having unprotected sex with other women, risking YOUR health.
You are only young, don't waste your life on someone who does not give a shit about you.

WeeWheels72 · 30/12/2018 11:10

Hes not sorry for what he did, hes sorry he got caught. What are you going to tell you little one when they question you? Why would you bring them up thinking its right? You will never have peace with this, its always going to be on your mind, every day for the rest of your life, that you are with him. And god knows how long that will be, as the bastard has zero respect for you, you are better than this! And if you lose those people, they weren't who you thought they were.

crappyday2018 · 30/12/2018 11:22

WeeWheels72 is right. What are you going to tell your child when he's older? How will you explain that he has a half sibling - he will know what;s gone on. This is not a good example to set.

Picnictime · 30/12/2018 11:35

Keeping her sweet? So he's currently trying to have his cake and eat it? Ie, he hasn't told her he is trying to get back with you?

Honestly, he is a terrible person.

MumsyJ · 30/12/2018 11:48

Dear OP, if you were in the other woman's shoes, would you terminate that late? I know of women who gave birth prematurely at 24+ weeks and some of them are alive today.

Missingstreetlife · 30/12/2018 11:55

Leave him op, it will be hard but trust me, in a year you will wonder what you saw in him

tootruetoyou · 30/12/2018 12:34

Everyone here is right - do NOT take him back and stop making excuses for him You're so young you have a chance of a whole other life. You have kids with him so he and his family (who you seem to worry about losing) will still be around in some capacity.

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