My partner and I have been together 20+ years, 2 kids. She's recently got a new job where she works longer hours and can be on call. She's meant to finish at 7pm most days but often will be on call and get home at 9pm or 10pm.
I was suspicious about her being interested in someone from work due to some flirty pictures I saw on facebook of their Christmas party.
I didn't say anything at the time but then the week after spent the day together as I told her I wanted to spend time with her as we never do.
In the car I was looking for a cable and then she got angry and accused me of searching for something so I came out with it and told her I suspected that she was having an affair or an emotional one. She denied it and got very angry and said she wanted to finish our relationship and was sick that I wanted to talk all the time, that all I ever want to do is talk.
I spent the next few days trying to be nice to her and she complained that I was suffocating her....I then looked on her phone and read messages and saw lots of calls to a person who works in her field but that she has never ever mentioned as being relevant to her work or had a need to contact.
One of the texts referred to him as 'Baby'. I tried to ignore all of this but then had enough so one evening after coming home from the shop I asked her to tell me what was going on, who is she seeing....Again she was furious and told me that this was me having a handy excuse to put the blame on her and take no responsibility for my own actions over the last 3 years. (I suffered a major depression after being bullied and over stressed in the workplace and was then addicted to gambling and had drug abuse issues and my Mother died of cancer).
We have had no intimacy for over 2.5 years and I am still very attracted to her yet she is repulsed by me. She claims that I have no self care and don't care about my appearance.
During that argument she wanted to leave and I convinced her to stay, that I loved her and don't want to lose her. She was upset also and we shared the most intimate time we have had together for the last few years which was just hugging and holding.
The next day was my birthday and in the card apart from messages from the kids was just a message from her saying happy birthday and thanks for all the care and support with the kids.
This upset me massively as after all the emotional turmoil and feeling that something was being dealt with it just felt like I was nothing but a glorified babysitter. I had spent the past few weeks trying to be attentive to her, hugging her, stroking her softly, making sure I helped her where needed. All this has resulted in is her telling me that a few hugs and some presents won't solve anything...and that I'm extremely manipulative just being nice to try and catch her out.
I have not mentioned the texts and calls I've seen where she refers to another man as Baby.....do I mention that and his name and confront her or what? Or do I leave her privacy as it is and carry on feeling like a cuckolded buffoon???