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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Breakup advice needed.

9 replies

Loveneedslove · 28/12/2018 12:42

I feel silly writing this, but I’m in desperate need of support and advice.

Basically met a man after a long time of being single. He was like a breathe of fresh air, so lovely and attentive. Just what I needed

Things didn’t add up and I had this gut feeling he was lying about something. I knew he had a kid but said he’d been separated for 2 years. I did some stalking on his Facebook (he would never allow me follow him) I seen his wife. I knew it was her as all her profile pictures were of them both. I confronted him and he turned it all on me, said he’d seen my social media and I had lots of creeps commenting on my pictures. Called me attention seeking which really hurt as I’m actually not a confident woman at all.
He explained that he was separated from his wife, she doesn’t hardly live at home. But it’s hard. Anyway we kept going I stupidly believed him. He never had any time for me. To the point where it made me ill with worry. I deleted all my followers from social media at his request and still nothing.

The other night we came to blows and he accused me of seeing other men. (Which I would never do) I said I felt second best to his wife and he turned it all on to me. I was very drunk and felt like everything I’d been thinking came to blows. We ended it.

Now I just feel lost, I know it’s for the best. But I feel hurt and devesated.

I think I just need advice

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 28/12/2018 14:37

What you need is to call Womens Aid and talk to them about this.
Make sure you talk to them about their Freedom Programme.
Attend in person and do it very very soon.
You ignored a shit tonne of red flags here.
WHY???
Why do you not think you are worth more than this scumbag?
Please get some therapy as well.
Again Womens Aid can help you with specialist therapists in your local area.
Call them today!!!

Loveneedslove · 28/12/2018 14:39

I guess I just didn't see the red flags. I still don't see them.

We have split up now so I'm unsure what woman's aid will do

OP posts:
Loveneedslove · 28/12/2018 17:21

Any advice. Please??

OP posts:
babbi · 28/12/2018 17:25

Break all contact and be kind to yourself .

It’s very hard and I’m sorry for you ... but you need to move on .. be on your own for a while while you are healing .

You deserve better ..,, don’t think of the “ good times “ - they were unfortunately fake given the lies he told you ..

Take care

Loveneedslove · 28/12/2018 17:43

Thank you. We've totally broken up. So no contact at all.

I just feel as l've lost myself somewhere along the way.

I can't believe I fell for all his lies and I did everything to please him. Yet he made me feel bad

OP posts:
babbi · 28/12/2018 17:51

That’s a reflection on who he is not who you are ....
Find yourself again ... hold your head high and value yourself .... sorry but only time helps ... it will get better though x

Loveneedslove · 28/12/2018 19:14

Thank you.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 29/12/2018 00:46

Women's aid will help you spot those red flags.
They will help with your self-esteem.
They will help you spot an abisive man so you don't get drawn in by another one.

Loveneedslove · 30/12/2018 20:44

Why is it, this really still hits me at certain times of the day.

Anyone got any advice on how to get over this and move on. He's already ruined my Christmas. I don't want NY ruined 😩

OP posts:
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