Christmas comments

[thehollyandtheIrene]

We had PIL for Christmas. It wasn't so great. MIL goes on and on about my parenting, DH has had rows with her over it, but by the next visit she's back at it.

Overall, she's okay, we get on. But there are several members of her family that have gone NC with her because of the things she says. (Not just parenting, she makes comment on people weight, IQ, appearance etc. And it's always hurtful.) she claims she doesn't understand why people take offence. She's oblivious to the hurt she causes, and doesn't take it on board when it's pointed out.

I'm just looking for some comebacks that aren't particularly rude, but solid enough that it might make her think about what she has just said? I don't care about weight comments etc. That are aimed at me, but comments about DS (20 months) and my parenting I want to call her out on - as I don't want my son to grow up listening to grandma undermine me.

Examples of he Christmas comments;

• I don't talk to DS enough
• I need to learn to put him to bed if he's going to tantrum
• I wouldn't want him any fatter (9th percentile)
• telling me he's hungry/thirsty/tired every five minutes, I need to read his 'cues'
• comparing my parenting to hers, it's a sort of "bless, you'll get the hang of it" head tilt added on.
• "it's not a critique, just an observation... but you need to do/this/that/not that/be better"

-commenting on how great her friends grandchildren and parents are at everything, and again, that I'll get there. -"oh, mummy isn't listening too you again darling? It's okay granny's here!!!"

Lots of tuts, looks and "not in my day" please anyone save my sanity, and many thanks in advance! 🍰🍰🍰🍰

That sounds just like my MIL! In the end I was incredibly blunt and told her that if parenting her way would result in appallingly behaved adults like her children, then I was doing it my way! And if she didn’t button it, she wouldn’t see the children again! DH backed me all the way.

I'm just looking for some comebacks that aren't particularly rude
WHY????
Fuck it.
She doesn't give a shit about being rude or offending people so why are you enabling this shit????
After every comment, a swift, 'Aha, is it any wonder so many of your family and friends have gone no contact with you!? If you don't want the same from me then I suggest you keep you hurtful and quite frankly, outrageous comments to yourself in future. You are undermining me in front of MY children who I will parent however I want. I hope I'm making myself clear!'
Sorry but these people do not take subtle hints or tip toeing around.
Blunt and to the point.
Can you at least go low contact for now?

Just tell her to shut up.

I told mine in the end to shut up and that I'll parent in the way I want and if she can't respect that the to leave us alone.

I don’t think I would have her in the house but if you want to, then challenge every rude thing she says.

As you said that you don't want to be rude (which she richly deserves), I would smile sweetly or laugh out loud at all these horrible comments and say "how fortunate that I know you're only joking".

And anything directed at your DS, I'd also say to him "Granny doesn't mean it; it's a long time since she had any babies around".

Mil is lovely sometimes others she kind of goes on like this but with a ' I'm just trying to help' talk. There are many options

1. Exhale in front of her loudly
2. Say you're so funny(only where appropriate)
3. Change subject
4. Argue!
5. Say something like did dh do that, you forget I married him, he doesn't do that now (sorry to your dh!)
6. Say wow did you get out of bed on the wrong side of bed?
7. Laugh and pat her on the head

It's all about blinding with positivity until she backs off. Best of luck OP-you can do this!!(Rocky music plays in background!)

I find it difficult to be very blunt, as she usually will just cry and suggest we're 'ganging up.'

We're not Heavy-contact anyway, as she lives a few hours away. And we haven't been to stay at theirs in nearly a year 😬- I find it harder to deal with trapped at hers. FIL is a quiet during her comments and speeches, although he can be equally awful with added temper-tantrums. DH despairs, is embarrassed - but it's his parents, I don't think we could go NC.

Poor DH gets very aggravated and moody towards the end of a visit, which she then delights in pulling him up on and how he's being an unwelcoming host 🙄😂

Maybe i should just say what I would like to say, bollocks to the waterworks.

You really only have two options...

Tell her to shut up or have no contact.

She is overbearing and incredibly rude. Your children will grow up and understand exactly what she is saying one day. You need to nip this in the bud, otherwise you're creating future problems with her belittling you at every opportunity.

I agree with the others. Why are you pussyfooting around her? I think you need to learn to stand up for yourself. She clearly doesn't do subtle, so don't waste your time on it with her.