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Original poster

Anyone else pained deeply by ex having a baby with OW ?

19 replies

SadEmerald · 28/12/2018 09:15

I desperately wanted another baby during our long marriage, but 2nd DC is on the Autistic spectrum (high functioning) so exH said absolutely NO WAY would we have another baby, plus, he always said he hates the baby stage.

I can honestly say that I've dreamt about having another baby for about 20 years (I'm too old now) but it's something engrained on my heart.

Anyway, two years ago, exH left us for the OW who immediately got herself pregnant (mainly to snare a visa and money). I cannot tell you how deeply this has hurt me. Ex made a comment to one of our children to say "oh, the baby looks just like you!". This info was passed on to me and hit me right where it hurts.

Has anyone else been through a similar experience and feels that gut wrenching pain? Does it ever go away?

OP posts:
Fonduefrolics · 28/12/2018 09:24

Personally I’ve not been through it but I’ve imagined it and it hurts to think about it x

springydaff · 28/12/2018 09:32

I've not been through this but my heart goes out to you. I'm sorry he's such a grade A cunt Flowers

(he will be a grade A cunt to her if that helps at all)

Annasgirl · 28/12/2018 09:38

Oh you poor woman. I haven’t been through it but I feel your pain. I have a friend who is divorcing and this is her worst case scenario but the difference is that she initiated the split for his bad behavior. It really is tough on you. Could you go to counseling? It might help you work through your pain and move on.

newye · 28/12/2018 09:39

I felt the same way when my ex had a baby with OW /wife . Now four years later I have learnt to accept it and it doesn't hurt as much but I don't think it really ever stops hurting Sad. Sorry you are feeling this way

PikaPikaTink · 28/12/2018 12:18

She didn't get herself pregnant op ...

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 28/12/2018 12:19

She didn’t get herself pregnant, I hate hate hate that expression. He’s an irresponsible prick.

Original poster
SadEmerald · 28/12/2018 16:40

I agree with the above but she did admit to not taking her pill so that she could secretly have a baby.

OP posts:
ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 28/12/2018 18:47

I realise my initial post was unsympathetic towards how you’re feeling OP, I’m sorry because I do feel for you and it must be tough. DS1 has numerous siblings (2 born while I was married to his dad!) so I get it.

I do stand by that he was just as responsible though, I hate the implication that poor innocent men are trapped. They can choose to use contraception too.

HamiltonCork · 28/12/2018 18:48

It must be very difficult.

MrsCar · 28/12/2018 18:50

It must be very difficult, but I'd take comfort in the fact that he hates the baby stage Wink

Didsomeonesaybunny · 28/12/2018 18:55

Oh OP I’m sorry - I can imagine that it hurts like hell. I’ve not experienced this myself (exes gfs have all been near 50 and not interested in having kids) but I can imagine that if the OW in my relationship had got pregnant and had his baby I’d have struggled massively. More so because I have a 3 month old with him.

I think like everything the pain will dissipate and you will become numb to it

jessstan2 · 28/12/2018 18:58

Hasn't happened to me but I am sure I would be.

If he met someone new after a decent interval and eventually had a child, I wouldn't mind that but it's not quite the same.

His new woman is going to have regrets if his behaviour remains true to form.

Bless you, you will move on eventually. Flowers Wine

Bluntness100 · 28/12/2018 19:03

I agree with the above but she did admit to not taking her pill so that she could secretly have a baby

Who told you this op? It seems highly unlikely as they are together and raising the child.

It's easy to try to blame her, and not him, but it takes two to make a baby.

Original poster
SadEmerald · 28/12/2018 20:06

@Bluntness100 The ex MIL told relatives. Also, due to endless dramas with the OW and her jealousy of me and any other woman who comes into contact with the ex, it's general knowledge.

ExH also wrote to my adult kids to say he wished he had a time machine and could turn the clocks back. I think he has to suck it up and get on with his life now, which maddens me as he's bringing up a child he never wanted (but I did) and now our teen kids have to suffer.

OP posts:
Doobee · 28/12/2018 20:09

How old are you OP? You could go the ivf route and have one of your own?

Original poster
SadEmerald · 28/12/2018 20:11

I'm 47. Too old?

OP posts:
mama17 · 28/12/2018 20:14

I havnt been through this but currently in the separating process and that's one of the main things that would destroy me. Sending massive hugs 😩❤️

Closetbeanmuncher · 28/12/2018 21:13

Have you ever considered adoption? There are so many children out there in need of a loving mother.

Travisandthemonkey · 28/12/2018 21:35

Perhaps you could think of it this way:
You could have tricked him into another child, and have him still with you and cheating on you, as I would imagine another child wouldn’t have stopped that.

The positive thing is, you didn’t do all of that.

And if you sit really hard and think about it, would you want to be with him and in that life, it’s very easy to be angry hurt and in some circumstances jealous of others moving on (not saying that’s your case) but in reality if we had our old life (with all the lies) then we would be deeply unhappy in a different way.

Hope that makes vague sense.

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