Mil didn't buy our kids anything, what do you think?

[Beelzebop]

I'm pretty sure for me this is the point where I turn on my heel as far as my mil is concerned. Not only did she not even bother to send a gift to any of our kids , nor a card but she was nearby over Christmas and didn't tell us! It's no secret to me anyway that she doesn't like me, there are all sorts of issues with her and her relationship with my dog is odd at best. But to ignore our kids! I'm a bit gobsmacked really , I have always tried my best and my kids haven't said anything but they have noticed. Would you bother saying anything?

My dog lolol, I meant my dh!

What did you get her?

I wouldn’t say anything and if DH doesn’t make any effort to see her I wouldn’t suggest or facilitate it.

We bought jewellery and smellies, nice things but on a limited budget tbh.i don't really even know what I want . I'm just sad she doesn't seem to bother with her grandkids.

Keep the toxic at arms length and don't give it too much thought.
This is exactly what I started doing last year.
Not facilitating the shits and their narc behaviours and not making excuses for them.
It's quite liberating op.

I'm never rude but I don't sugar coat anymore. Did that for far too long and won't do it anymore.

Try it

Thank you, that is exactly what I am thinking. I am not good at working out what is reasonable behaviour and what not!

We no longer see my MIL but she was like this. She did not acknowledge my kids on their birthdays or at Christmas. She did pretty much until the BIL had a baby then just stopped. She would visit the BIL alot, buy stuff for his child and that one became her only grandchild. Then the mother of that child took off with the kid and the other BIL had kids and she turned her attention to them. She wouldn't even remember our kids names or birthdays anymore. We cut ties about 3-4 years ago. Not just because of that, she was a horrible person in general, but I never understood how you can just wipe the first grandkids on the arrival of the next lot.

Our lives are better without her in it she was a nasty person and I only tolerated her for my husband. Once he was over it, I was relieved I never had to see her again.

I would never buy her anything again. If she asks why then you can tell her you thought present buying had stopped since she didn't buy any.

Stop contacting her. Then as others have said -say well you didn't buy presents or come and see you (did you invite her?) did she thank you for presents?

I'd just go silent and see what happens.

It is sad, and I can't begin to imagine ever treating a grandchild like that, but it's her loss - she's the one missing out on getting to develop a relationship with them. And your DCs will be fine - yes, it's great if you can grow up having a positive, strong relationship with a grandparent but if you don't - well, I don't think it causes any sort of lasting trauma if it's all they've ever known.

My mil is exactly the same. We have travelled every boxing day to her house. This year we deicide not to travel as we realised we are always making the effort. We haven't heard from her, not even a phone call to the dcs. I can count on one hand the times she has acknowledged their birthdays to, and our eldest is 18. Her loss. The eldest doesn't recognise her as a grandma figure at all.

It's quite shocking the amount of narc toxic grandparents and parents there seems to be around now. I think it's more that as a generation we just won't tolerate the bullshit anymore.

I don't agree that even as adults ourselves we should respect them and their wishes and do as they wish. That may have been the case years ago and was definitely the case with my grandparents (gave my dad and his three siblings a nightmare adulthood with their behaviour and demand of respect etc) however that won't happen with me now.

Step away and see what happens op.
They will no doubt moan and bitch and say you haven't bothered making an effort to which you can brightly reply that as they didn't bother you figured that was their choice and rather than embarrass them further by giving gifts when they haven't it stops that situation

Thank you everyone. I am so sorry I did not reply sooner. I have read your thoughtful and kind replies and it is nice to know that I am not alone in how I feel. The presents could be worth a fiver each, it really wouldn't matter, it's all about the thought for me.