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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to do?

4 replies

AN0NYM0US1234 · 27/12/2018 23:02

I'm single and in my thirties. This xmas my family called me odd because I spent a couple of hours quietly working on my laptop upstairs (after four full-on family days) and said my opinions are too different to get a boyfriend. Ouch! I help my family all the time, housesitting and looking after their animals while they are on holiday (they do pay me £25 a day for this), helping my brother build his extension, babysitting (free), helping both move house - and recently I have realised they don't really reciprocate. I visit them at least once every couple of months, which takes several hours driving, but they rarely come to my house to visit (I'm too far away apparently). I'm moving closer to them as I'm finding all the driving about the place expensive and kind of hope they'll visit me more but nobody has helped me with it. Probably going to end up paying someone to help lift the stuff I can't manage on my own. I've not said anything but I have been a little sad at this given the help I've given. But they seem too busy with their own lives to do so. I have no idea if I'm the one with the issue here or what I can do to fix things. I love spending time with them but feel, like most of my relationships, they don't really respect me. They are happy to take the help but don't really offer anything in return. I don't help for the buzz or anything like that, I have just always have helped people when they need it but I'm finding increasingly that it's all a bit one way and can't help feeling it is because I'm the single one, who is somehow seen as having a less important life because of that

OP posts:
subspace · 27/12/2018 23:25

Have you asked them for help?

AN0NYM0US1234 · 27/12/2018 23:34

Yeah they say yes they will months beforehand but when it comes to actually needing the help they are either busy and unable to or make it so awkward to arrange that it is easier doing it myself

OP posts:
category12 · 27/12/2018 23:49

People often end up taking you for granted if you're always running round after them.

Are you sure moving closer to them is a good idea? They don't sound very supportive, and you don't really need to spend huge amounts of time with people who put you down.

louisejanep · 28/12/2018 00:18

Hi Op, you really need to put in some ‘boundaries’ and don’t be afraid to say no! You could also make a joke about it to lightly but meaningfully get the message across. Being ‘single’ should also not dictate your happiness or your lifestyle. Being single and happier is much better than being in a relationship for the sake of it. If they are the type to make comments, I guarantee that if you were in a relationship they may perhaps comment on a different aspect of your life.

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