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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not sure what to do re ds

1 reply

QueenieIsLost · 27/12/2018 21:00

Ds is 15yo and we have been drifting apart as we seem to have less and less common interest/common conversations these days.

I have supported H to build some relationship with him (and his bro) for years, enabled him to do so and now it feels like it’s backfiring onto me.
Ds is now a very keen outdoor type of person, has a hobby that he loves and competes in. The one I have pushed H to do with him (because I can’t physically do it due to a chronic illness) and it was the only way I could see for H to actually spend time with his dcs.... Except that H ended up quite interested in it so that hobby is now taking the whole space. Every single weekend is about that hobby. Since September, there has been only a handful of weekends when they weren’t away or competing most of the weekend.
Im left with all the essential but crap stuff such as going shopping for school clothes, socks or sorting out their bank account (all of which ds needs but hates doing....)

I’m at loss now of what I can do.
I’d love to do something outdoorsy but I can’t anymore.
Ds isn’t keen on towns or anything to do around that (which I could do).
We’ve done all the museums etc... he could be interested in.

So I don’t really know what I coud do to nurture my relationship with him. Even going out to Costa together ends up difficult to do. In part because ds spends little time at home. And because if we do that together, the only thing he is keen in talking about is said hobby.

I feel really sad about it all...

OP posts:
WatchingFromTheSidelines · 28/12/2018 09:57

It's good your teenage son has a hobby/interest he is passionate about. Well done for giving him the freedom and confidence to explore his interests.

I think this could be a natural separation teens go through with their parents. That said, I understand the need to retain that connection. Can you text him? Send him some encouraging texts to let him know you are thinking about him? Tag him on social media in posts related to his hobby?
Maybe once a fortnight you can schedule a coffee and cake out together? The part about him spending the time talking about his hobby, is par for the course I think and fairly normal for teens.

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