Reading Mixed Signals - Long because I don't want to be accused of dripfeeding

[WhatOnEarthDoIDoNow]

This is incredibly outing but I need the wisdom of mumsnet. I am autistic and interested in a guy who is also autistic and I can't tell if he is interested or not as I keep getting mixed signals from him and it's starting to drive me insane.

It was his birthday recently and I and someother friends of his went to stay with him for the night, between 6 that night and 2 the next day as his dad has severe OCD and routine driven Aspergers and struggles to cope with guests. When his mum was checking when people were leaving and if they needed a ride to train stations or anything I was invited to stay another day or two by her as he was playing in concerts and there were family/church things they were planning that I was welcome to join them on and throughout the stay he tried several times to convince me that I should stay till the New Year when he had to head back to the city for work. He has also commented several times that he would like to come and vist me at my home and meet my family, and that he wants my family to like him.

According to his friends and older sister he has been talking about me since last Christmas (when we'd spoken only a handful of times) and 'boasting/bragging' about me and how I am and what I do and all of that since before easter and when he was home over the summer after we'd been on holiday (with other friends as well) all they got was WhatOnEarth did/said this or thinks that. Which I was completely unaware of till I met them. And his mum commented several times that it's been lovely for me to stay and meet and get to know the family and when I left his dad hugged me twice, told me that he hates guests but I am welcome there anytime I feel like it. His sister has added me on Facebook and we're swapping some books between us.

However I cannot work of for certain what he wants and I think that could be because he's unsure himself. I would be happy if he just wants to be friends and I'd be happy if he wanted a relationship however I cannot deal with the ambiguity we have right now. I want to say something/talk about it however we do live at opposite ends of the country right now and it's not something I feel comfortable messaging about. To me this type of conversation should be face to face. But at the moment when we do see each other face to face right now there are always other people around and on the off chance it's the two of us, I can't start it.

I just don't know what to do so any advice or wisdom or a handhold while I try to wrap my head around how I feel would be fantastic as I've never liked anyone before. So this is completely new and rather terrifying.

I don't know much but maybe given all the positives said by his family and their willingness to include you and their general loveliness maybe take that at it's face value and therefore that he does like you! He is very likeky going through the same process as you; wondering if you like him. One of you needs to do a bit of gentle questioning to sound things out. Suspect it might have to be you... How would you feel about that?

Can you suggest meeting up at a half-way location for an outing or event?

Yeah, he likes you. His family likes you and you're fb friends with his sister. Maybe you could sound things out with her?

@Mousetolioness, yeah he's not great at working out feelings if what I know about him (and now his family) is accurate Problem is neither am I, if he is working through the same thing then I don't envy him because it's rather a headache I'm not sure how I'd feel doing the questioning tbh, it freaks me out quite a bit, but if the conversation/topic came up I'd have no issues leading the conversation. It's just hard because he always appears so confident and egotistical (according to mutual friends) but its really just because he is actually really shy and insecure about his social ability and who he is so he talks about everything he is good at and how much money he makes, and I know it's social anxiety because I can see how it gets worse when he's stressed or anxious and then he starts talking quickly and looking for escape routes or someone to take over and facilitate the conversation between him and others because he can't, but he tries. So I'm very aware that when it comes down to it, I'm gonna have to be the one leading the conversation and the fact that I don't know how but that it's looking more and more likely that I'll have to do it sooner rather than later is really freaking me out. And I'm really freaked out about how I feel towards him as it's not something I've ever experienced before.

@Mousetolioness, at the moment the next time I see him will be for my birthday in Jan and then I may suggest doing something at easter. I'll either go visit him or as he's mentioned meeting my family a few times invite him here. I'd of invited him for NYE as I know he hasn't got any plans but it would mean him traveling north staying till the 1st or 2nd and then having to drive south, restricting how much he can drink and taking away threeish days that he could spend with his family in his limited christmas holiday. We're booking up to go on holiday in summer with friends (if we can coordinate with two of our other friends if not I suspect it'll be the two of us as our female friend will point blank refuse to come if she can't find a fourth)

@tallwivglasses, Possibly. I may have more luck at the moment talking to our mutual friend/friends at the moment. He and his sister have a love hate relationship. They're both autistic but they set each other off quite a bit as she's hypersensitive and he has a rather acerbic personality. But if I get nowhere I may message her for advice.