How would you feel...

[BadinBed]

Or react if your husband 'gently' implied you were bad in bed?

I'd wonder why he's only mentioning it now. How long are you together?

I don't think I'd 'react' as such, but more take it as an opportunity to sit down and discuss what things we both like in the bedroom. Perhaps he does things a certain way that you don't necessarily 'enjoy'?

It can take years for a couple to find their groove and have amazing sex together, I personally would feel happier to know I could improve in certain errrr, areas, rather than carry on doing the same old blissfully unaware that he isn't enjoying himself.

If it was said maliciously or as a genuine way to hurt/undermine you, then that's a whole other issue.

After marriage?! I mean during dating I'd try to establish what his kinks were and accommodate them if there weren't an active turn off for me.

what do you do right now to ensure your partner enjoys sex? And what does he do for you?

I'd tell them what I think of them too and then if i like him enough and i want us together I would have a conversation on what we should do to improve things.

I'd have a chat to him about it.

BadinBed Thu 27-Dec-18 18:18:37
Or react if your husband 'gently' implied you were bad in bed?

It depends. Did this remark come about as a surprise to you?

Do you think you are bad in bed?

Is he sensitive to your likes, needs, etc. and you are bad in his mind because he has to consider you and not be entirely selfish?

Is he likeable in other ways, or is he finding fault as an excuse?

Hope you don't beat yourself up about those words. If you can find a common ground and discuss with him to see where the truth lies.

Ifnid been in a sexual relationship for more than a few months I would assume I was being compared unfavourably to someone else

Has he had partners before you? If it was my dh saying this, I would be concerned that he has had a fling with someone else to suddenly say that. Ask more questions op and do some digging.

How long have you been together? I'd ask him to tell me exactly when, and in what circumstances, he realised this

I would be asking him for a frame of reference. Are you 'bad' because of technique (which you'd think he'd have previously mentioned!), or 'bad' because he's seen some weird porn film and quite fancies something he thinks you might not be up for?

Or he's shagging about.

I suspect porn has a, ahem, 'hand' in this...

Thanks all.

Together 11 years, married for 6.

It all came about after I questioned our recent lack of sex life (we'd had sex once in 10 weeks before I approached this)
He didn't exactly say the words "you're bad in bed" but I felt it was implied.

Tbh, I probably am quite boring in bed now. More to do with the fact I feel self conscious about my body since having children. But I don't consider myself bad at it.
I don't really initiate any more... I have a higher sex drive than him, always have done, but having been knocked back a few times over the years I just stopped bothering.

I guess I find our sex life boring too. He's not in to oral, giving or receiving, so that's only happened a handful of times throughout our relationship.

I dunno. I suppose I feel the same as him but i feel hurt hearing that he feels it too (I know!)

It was just a way of trying to shut down your attempts to talk about your sex life.

Keep talking to him, OP. Put aside your hurt feelings and use this as an opportunity to change things for the better in your relationship.

@Escolar I'd like to improve things... but I don't know where to start 🙈 we've been together so long that it just feels awkward to suddenly begin acting like a porn star.

I know it would all be down to me. He'd be happy just plodding along, having minimal sex.

But its important to me. I made that clear when we spoke... I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering why my husband would rather roll over and go to sleep than have sex with me.

He did actually open up abit... more than I expected (he usually just nods along until I give up and forget about whatever I'm moaning about)
So at least he showed an interest I suppose 🙄