Husband and mother hate each other

[allisonjade]

Hi ladies,

I'm pretty devastated (it's probably all the pregnancy hormones). I've known for a while that my mom is not a fan of my husband, my uncle inadvertently told me at my sister's wedding after having too much to drink.

Recently, they both got into awful fights and aren't speaking to each other. My mom thinks my husband is a narcissist and rude. I agree to a point, he sometimes lacks tact. My husband feels that he's not welcome around my mom who has said some insulting things to him in his opinion. I do think that my mom thinks he's not good enough for me and often disregards him.

I'm pregnant with our first child and feel so sad that this situation has happened and neither of them can make an effort to work things out. Neither one will hold out an olive branch. What can I do, if anything? Has anyone else been though this?

Do you think she’s right? Is your marriage wonderful and she’s unreasonable or is she seeing the truth and he resents not being able to control her?

Assuming no long back story about either being narcissistic or abusive, ask them what they want to do about it. Given that you are not going to referee and you are not going to let you child be exposed to an atmosphere. Remind hubby you both may need a baby sitter or childcare, remind mum she will want to see the baby.

This happened to me with ExH. DM was absolutely right, as it turned out, he was an arse. We were together 9 years and he didn't quite manage to alienate me from her, but it was close. At its worst I just told them both (individually) that I didn't want to hear their opinions about the other and I was very careful not to grumble about one to the other, as it just added ammo.

Thanks for your messages. My mother is divorced from my father who has 'chronic' narcissistic personality disorder. I've told my mother that maybe she is projecting my dad on to my husband but she swears she isn't and and says that she sees my husband for who he is. I'm very happy in my marriage. At the same time, I am lucid to the flaws in my husbands character. I have to admit that he can be rude, even though he doesn't see it himself. It's something I've just grown to expect and accept (unfortunately). And I'm angry at him for that and for him not thinking about me in this situation. I don't see this conflict being resolved anytime soon despite a new baby on the way