sharing my home

[phatdavejr]

Hi all. I have been with my girlfriend for 6 months and would like her to move in with me. I have recently purchased a shared ownership flat. My rent is £600 a month plus mortgage payments of £450 a month. I have suggested that I pay the mortgage and she pays £500 toward the rent. I think we should split the bills in half.

My girlfriend thinks it's more fair if we split both the rent and the bills in half. Who do you think is right?

Would you not also have to declare her to your mortgage provider either way as you would potentially be seen as subletting?

Also what would have happened if we’d all agreed with you that option 2 was fair? Were you going to use this thread/voices of other women to brow beat her into moving in with you? (you’ll not be the first bloke to turn up on here to try that...)

Unless you're prepared to have her as a beneficiary of the mortgage she should only pay you rent.. ie she's renting from you not buying with you. So half the rent half the bills. You can't have her paying more than half the rent when only you benefit from the mortgage!

As an aside, my boyfriend (now DH of ten years) asked me to move in with him (circumstances prompted it) after 4 months! He wouldn't accept any rent as I wasn't on the mortgage. I did pay half bills though.

It's too soon to move in. She's happy where she is...let that continue.

Your option 2 is not fair.

The title of the thread says it all!

What a pisstake

If your property purchase is solely your own and she is not listed on the deeds, mortgage or has any claim to it, then you’re taking the piss asking her to pay towards it. Why would she unless it was going to be an investment for her also and she was going to get some return from it? It’s your choice to buy it, not hers.

Either way, whether she’s just moving in with you or also investing, 6 months seems way too soon to be making such arrangements.

It seems to me that the stars have aligned for you in some respect and you’re rushing this; you’ve taken out a mortgage, she’s paying 850 a month currently and you see a way to reduce her bill to 500 a month and also benefit you by contributing towards that mortgage. Whilst that might look fine on paper and make sense in terms of pure numbers, it’s not really fair from a legal or ethical standpoint and it’s also ignoring the fact that she seems happy with her current arrangements.

The best advice you could have is to keep your own legal arrangements to yourself for now, and keep your relatively new relationship completely separate from them. Mixing them up so early into things will probably end badly.

When my then-partner moved in with me, we had a frank discussion and I was not happy to relinquish control and ownership of my home by letting him pay towards the mortgage.

We worked out a plan where he basically paid all the costs of him being there and a nominal extra for "wear and tear" sort of.

Most MNers recoil in horror at that but it worked perfectly for me/us - I could afford my home anyway so that wasn't an issue and I kept control of it (important for me). He was also able to sock away cash for some theoretical future home together, which would equalise us as co-owners.

When we broke up, he simply moved out and that was that. No further action, no claims, nothing messy to unravel.

Option 1.

You are taking the piss with option 2 unless you plan to refund her the mortgage payments she’s made when you break up.

For context I’m in the same situation and my DP pays half of cleaner and bills.
He also puts £500 towards mortgage overpayment on the understanding of we break up I will refund him if we break up.

Option 1. She shouldn't be contributing to your mortgage if she's not receiving any value from the house.

Sounds as if she's happy where she is though, so maybe she should stay there?

You're having a laugh if you think option 2 is fair! If I was her I'd be off

Only option 1 (splitting the rent) is fair.

Otherwise she would be helping you pay the mortgage of a property she doesn't own.

Hold on a sec!

I think you’re rushing in to fast for a start. However payments should be split according to what one earns. With the part but part rent you can’t actually sublet anyway.
Now in terms of people saying you can’t expect her to pay the mortgage off.... well what are landlords doing??? If she’s living there she should be paying a fair cost of all bills. How do you see this relationship? Is it serious?
I think it’s messy and as obviously If she did start paying contributions to the mortgage she could claim back as you are not a landlord and in a relationship. As she’s not pushing I would probably wait as maybe with time if the relationship becomes more serious she may save money and then you can get a new joint place that is equal.

By your thinking you'd also be happy to carry on paying the full rent and mortgage. I'd definitely only charge her half the rent and that will allow her to save faster and you'll have more disposable income than you have now too.

It's early to move into together and since she's not sure it's a good idea, I'd drop the idea for another six months.

In theory it's easy to say she'd save a bit of money and be able to get her own deposit together. In practice, when you're living together there's always a reason to spend that bit extra. Unless she's very disciplined about saving and hardheaded about not contributing to sudden emergencies like appliances breaking down or having a takeaway because why not and the feeling there's no rush to save cos you're living together..

Nah, leave it a while. Revisit later if she's actually ready.

If she doesn’t want to move in and is happy where she is, you are just being a CF!

You would need to find out how it would work as it’s part rented! She may have to be credit checked and go onto the rental side agreement with the council which could also get messy if you split up.

Both of you should benefit equally by living together.

Option two has her saving £340 per month by living with you and no rights or security, while you save £500 per month and have the security of your own home.

Option one has her saving £540 per month by living with you, no rights or security, while you save £300 per month and have the security of your own home.

So you could meet in the middle and go for a figure of £420, but I think that a bit unfair given you have the rights over the property and she'd have none, so I would weight it more towards her and go for a lower figure.

Especially since you earn more than her.

Basically your preferred option is ripping the piss and not fair at all.

Option 1!
You gain the equity, she doesn't.

Now in terms of people saying you can’t expect her to pay the mortgage off.... well what are landlords doing??

Most landlords don't expect their tenants to share their bed/etc... thankfully