Best friend told me she wants to end things with fiance and has just said she is considering marrying him again while meeting up with the other man. Should I say say something to her or keep out?

[wonderfree23]

Just as the title really. I am thinking i wont say anything more, but my other best friend got divorced after saying something before she got married and has said since she wished i had pushed her more to talk.

Basically this friend, lets call her Sally, suddenly told me a coupe of weeks ago that she no longer wanted to marry David - they have been engaged a year and due to marry in 6 months. We talked it through and i said i would be there no matter what. He is begging her not to end it. They have been together 5 years and to be honest i never thought their relationship had any passion, and he seemed to be the only one truly in love.

The things she said were pretty bad. No spark, finds him irritating, not ambitious enough, shes bored. Then she told me she had met someone through a hobby and they had kissed a few weeks ago. This other man has met David so i am shocked by this as i think it is quite cruel.

David has been sent away for the week this week so Sally can think. During this time she is spending 3 of the days meeting up with this other man!! She has said nothing will happen and this other man is understanding as to the situation. I am starting to feel terrible for David who has dealt with this by saying he will do whaetevr it takes - not knowing that his fiance is off spending time with another man while she makes up her mind!

I dont know what to do - probably nothing is the answer. i am the only person she has told except her mum, and her mum doesnt know about this other man. until finding out about the other man i had sympathy for her as obviously feelings can change. now i am feeling bad for david. she said if she stays with david she wont ever tell him about this kiss and meeting up with this man. she has said she was unhappy with david long before meeting this other man and that she wouldnt end things with david to be with the other man - it would end because of her lack of feelings for david rather than feelings for someone new.

do i speak to her about this? do i shut up unless and until she contacts me to talk about it? is it none of my business? i dont want her to marry someone she clearly isnt happy with and also think that maybe she needs me to say that this is wrong - i think she knows that but maybe needs to hear it. or do i just box it off and leave her to it?

Anyone...

dont want her to marry someone she clearly isnt happy with. This. She's wrong to be seeing OM but it's better for her to finish it with DF regardless of OM. If she feels like she does now, marriage isn't going to help her.

Sally is a cunt. Tell David then dont have any more to do with her. Shes not a nice person

She's obviously in a bad place. Just be there for her. Yes its a terrible situation for David and she doesn't want to hurt him....but she's unhappy and this om obviously makes her happy. What is the deal with this om? Is he single.
It doesn't sound like she should marry David but wants to bury her head in the sand so she doesn't hurt anyone.
She has a big decision to make but even if she chooses David, I think you need to support her and keep quiet. It's her mess.

Hopefully she won't marry him.

It’s tricky. If you stick your nose in (too far) you may lose the (her) friendship.

If she blames you for not saying anything...that doesn’t hold water as she’s an adult and has responsibility for her own choices/actions.

Your gut feeling is to stay out of it. Go with that.

Are you a bridesmaid for her wedding? Step away from that if you can not (rightly) support her wedding/marriage to “David” due to her behavior with the other bloke. That would make your stance clear...but may also sink your relationship with her.

Yikes. I’d say that I would be quickly losing any loyalty to Sally regardless of strength of our friendship. I’d choose to save David, who is through no fault of his own, going to end up a victim of a terrible marriage which will not last. Horrid position for Sally to have put you in!

It’s the fact she’s meeting up with him during their time apart which doesn’t feel right.

I think I will stay out of it. It’s not my business but will struggle on the day if they do get married!

Another friend said to tell David. I definitely don’t feel right doing that although I feel he’s totally having the mick taken out of him.

Stay out of it. Certainly don't say anything to David - shoot the messenger and all that! Obviously she shouldn't marry David but that's her decision isn't it?

I think David has to be made aware of the full facts, surely? Is there a single person on this board who’d want to go into a marriage with that sort of detail covered up? Honestly?

(and let’s face it, the meeting with OM will almost certainly end up in bed on at least one of the three planned meetings).

That’s probably a healthy portion of David’s life which will end in a very messy, expensive and emotionally wrenching divorce - potentially with young children involved - simply because Sally wants to keep him dangling as her safe option.

I think he deserves to know but I shouldn’t be the one to tell him.