Arghhhhh! Christmas passive aggressions

[Lemond1fficult]

I've posted on here before about my DM, who has some narc tendencies but generally is okay, though VERY intense to be around.

DP and I have been staying since Christmas morning, due to leave at lunch today.

We all had Christmas Day with my DSis, which ended early (10pm) as DSIS got falling down drunk and aggressive. My BF got engaged on Christmas Day so I popped out for an hour to congratulate her at 10.30pm.

Yesterday had late breakfast with DM and went to aunties at lunch - DM also invited but didn't come as she said she wanted to potter. Didn't want her to be alone too long so came back and had tea with her late afternoon/early evening, then went out for my traditional boxing day drinks with friends. I had told DM this was the plan on Christmas Day so she'd know in advance, and seemed perfectly happy.

Arrived back at 11.30 (I didn't drink) to find the house in darkness, and mum in bed early (for her). Once DP and I were in bed, she then got out of bed and said from the landing' hope you had a nice time with all your friends', and went downstairs. I just got up at 8.30 and she has been up all night reading in the kitchen. As I was making tea she said 'I've been up all night, thinking.' She then started sniffing, as if to start crying.
I've been here before so didn't acknowledge it, as I want her to be direct with me, and not manipulate me with tears.

Am now in bedroom, heart racing, dreading the confrontation I know is to come. Is she right? Have I done anything wrong? Bearing in mind this is my Boxing Day plan every year, and I wanted DP to have a nice day considering the shitshow of Christmas Day.

This year, make a stand against her shitty behaviour. Don’t engage in it at all.

And don’t feel guilty for her behaviour.

Grey rock, ‘Let your responses be dull, boring and mundane. Become a part of the scenery allowing targets to camouflage or fade out.’

Thoroughly listen, say what she said so that she knows you understand her point of view, then tell her next year to come to aunties with you as she’d enjoy herself there

Pack now and leave. Don't give her the pay off of making you feel guilty. You have done nothing wrong.

How annoying, and of course you’ve done nothing wrong. I’d do the grey rock thing if possible. Nod and acknowledge.

Ouch. I think I'd return it with pass-agg of my own: "Well, perhaps I won't come next Boxing Day at all if I'm just going to cause you such upset" etc. But I wouldn't recommend it as a sensible approach.

I’d just pack up and leave. There’s no need to actually have the confrontation she’s building up to.

You know you’ve done nothing wrong but you have been conditioned to feel like this.

Acknowledge her plan. “I find this game of Boxing Day Passive Aggression and Guilt Tripping really tedious. You’ve been doing it every year for as long as everyone can remember and I no longer want to play. You can stop now and cheer the fuck up, or I’m going home.”

Oh fuck her. Pack up and go home. The stress isn't worth it.

Thank you everyone. Sorry I didn't update before - I was driving, and am now home.

I girded my loins and the conversation. occurred but whoever said 'grey rock' above was right. I had none her nonsense and the attention-seeking sniffing was over in less than ten minutes. Which is a record.

Poor DP - we had such a fun 2 days with his family before coming to see mine. He's got a busy 6 months coming up, so probably won't see them til the summer. And all they said was 'okay then - good luck with the project'. It really does throw the guilt-tripping and eggshells I have to put up with into sharp relief.