Bumble - have all those men really “liked” me

[why100000]

Or does Bumble make it look that way?

I joined last night just to see what it is like - scared shitless really - traumatically divorced and single after 22 years.

I put smiley photos up and within minutes had a list of people who apparently liked me - which has got longer. Seems not believable somehow - or if it is true then do men tend to just say yes to everyone just on the offchance?

For context I am 49 and look better when I smile. I chose 39 to 55 as my parameters just to see what would happen, and even younger men have liked me - though a lot of them want children so they can’t have read my profile properly (a. too old to have more and b. have three already). Which leads me back to thinking that this list of people Bumble say liked me is fake.

I’ve never used Bumble but I’ve read (from reputable sources) that many other sites use bots and keep old profiles active etc in order to make you think they’re a lot more populated. So it wouldn’t surprise me if at least some of your profile likes/swipes aren’t legit.

Yes I bet you’re right. The list got longer overnight as well - but suspicious.

Don’t think I can do this OLD thing anyway, so that wraps that up .

bit suspicious

I do Bumble it's fun. If you don't feel ready for OLD then wait a bit longer. There are plenty of genuine men on there though, I've been on loads of dates from it. Just get chatting, then choose whether you'd like to meet for coffee or whatever. Good luck!

Have you ever noticed why the tv programme "take me out" never reverses the game play where men are the panel? Answer: they would all press their buttons - all the time. Hence what's happened to you. Should be easy enough to sift the more eligible suitors

I haven’t seen that programme but yes I get the picture. Men are strange creatures I think. Certainly my ex jumped into a new relationship immediately (and while we were still in the same house for several horrible months). I have no idea how he managed to find someone that quickly I am a naive idiot I know, though I don’t know if they are still together.

Anyway, I messaged one of the people who had supposedly liked me on Bumble, and he then deleted my message .

Don’t think my self esteem can be doing with this, especially after the really shit last few years of my marriage. Might give it a miss for now. Maybe I am actually fine never being in a relationship again. Thought I wasn’t, but there might be a lot to be said for not going there again and having to deal with all the crazy making stuff.

And people seem to want disposable people that they can kick to the curb with one swipe, and move on to the next. Am too tired for all of this. Feel about 104.

ChangedName do you know if the people you are going on dates with are also seeing other people at the same time?

Hi OP, I’m lucky enough not to be on OLD anymore because I found my DP through it (POF in my case). We’ve been together over 5 years.

I was messaging two or three people at the same time but would have stopped had I actually met someone and liked them (as I did with DP). I found it quite hard to get people to move on from chatting to actually meeting up which I’ve seen, on other threads here, is a fairly common complaint. There are a lot of people of both sexes that use OLD as an ego stroke - never intending to meet up or take it anywhere.

I’m mid 40s so maybe a little bit hopelessly old fashioned, but I wouldn’t have slept with anyone else whilst going on physical dates. That would have been my cut off and was with DP. We DTD on our second date and that was it for us. I know that’s not true for everyone these days though and some people think it’s acceptable to date and sleep with multiple partners up until you agree exclusivity. A bit too “cake and eat it” for me, but as I said... old fashioned like that.

Thanks ChangedName - no I couldn’t do sleeping with several people at once either - or even with one person at a time it seems . I am glad you met your DP.

How does bumble work then? A man likes you and then you message? Can you approach a man first?

If I have got it right, you get all the profiles of the people who have (apparently) liked you. You swipe left to get rid of them forever, or right to make a match if you like them. The woman then makes the first move and has to message her matches within 24 hours if she wants to - men cannot message women first.

[Once you have messaged someone they then delete you as happened to me today 😂.] Well that is probably not what happens to other people.

There are probably more intricacies to the app that I haven’t understood yet.

Yes I think you can like a man first. Whether you have to wait for him to make you a match before you can message him, I don’t know.

If you like someone who has liked you you (as the woman) get 24 hours to message the man. Or if it’s female/female either can make the first move. Then there’s a further 24 hours for that person to reply or else the match is lost.

I had lots of ‘likes’ in the queue but only got 4 matches. One I ignored as I was sure I’d not liked him, one ignored my approach and two conversations one of which led to a date. Same faces as Tinder most of the time.

Presumably you’re not going to like everyone who’s liked you but I don’t think I was all that popular on there!

It sounds like it may be a bit soon to date and use OLD. Bumble and OLD in general can be seen as quite brutal, all the swiping left and right, dismissing people at a click...

But I use it and don't take it personally. These people are strangers, so if they unmatch me or stop messaging I don't worry and hardly notice tbh. I do chat to a few at a time and if I'm in the mood and have time for dating I'll meet up with more than one. I suppose I'm quite laid back about it.Work, kids and normal life take priority,I don't take dating too seriously (though hope to meet someone one day...).

Good luck!

do men tend to just say yes to everyone just on the offchance?

Yes

I did Bumble too, and got a ridiculous amount of likes (I'm 40 and fat, not 20 something and gorgeous btw!). I'm sure some were bots, but I think a lot of men swipe right on everyone. I started chats with a few that unmatched me straight away, chatted for a couple of weeks with two that decided they weren't ready to meet up, one that asked me my bra size within the first half an hour, and one I met up with. We've been seeing each other for about 2 months, I'm not using the site any more (it's not me to see more than one at once), I don't think he's seeing anyone else either but we haven't had the exclusivity chat yet. There are good ones, you just have to be prepared to sift, and don't take it to heart if they disappear!

Men are strange creatures I think.

Not much stranger than women really

Thanks @Snowballs4ever and everyone else - interesting to see other people’s experiences.

It’s been interesting to read the profiles on Bumble as well, and it’s obvious that so many people are looking for genuine connection with others.

It has made me realise several things however - including the fact that with work and 3 dc living with me, I don’t have the time to devote to dating - even if I did feel self confident about it, which I don’t.

I also feel this overwhelming sense of being glad that I am single, and of not being interested in people’s likes and dislikes and what their hobbies are... I suppose that I am lonely sometimes, but looking at that site has made me realise I am fine by myself . Lots of life to live (hopefully) and things to do, and free to do them unemcumbered. Except by my lovely dc, who are my reason for living.

Good for you Why00....

I'm not single, and I am also relatively young but dating sounds pretty exhausting (I briefly did OLD but not with a view to a LTR so it was fine) and if you don't have the time or energy and are happy single sounds sensible to give it a miss and take all that time to yourself instead. With 3 DC and loneliness only cropping up here and there I think I would rather be arranging childcare to see friends or have some quality alone time than a date with someone who might be a dud.