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Original poster

It’s happening! Separating but where will I stand

27 replies

Handbagsnotgladrags · 27/12/2018 00:11

That’s it! Separated! This morning!
1 x DC. Married 8 years, together for 14. His name on the deeds. He pays the mortgage and most of bills. I pay CT, food, insurances and water rates.

He’s moved me to the guest room! Reckons he will find a room to rent and live in the pits. (Guilt trip thanks).

Reasons: He’s lazy, mardy, doesn’t have the same interests as me.
Me: moans a lot about mess and laziness, his drinking, loud tv, etc etc.
I do everything in the house and garden!
Apparently it’s all my fault as I’ve distanced myself for a while. He told DC that he wants it to work but “mum doesn’t”
DC is broken hearted but we will continue to be good parents.
He earns a large salary. Owns his own business. Very successful.

I earn a small salary but work more hours...

Will I be able to stay in our family home?

I have told DH.....?.?.?. I don’t think he needs to pay maintenance as I will be entitled to universal credit and fam allowance now.

I did seek legal advice and was told “you will be absolutely fine as you have rights”

Waffle over....help,pls x x x

OP posts:
beerandpopcorn · 27/12/2018 05:58

What makes you think he won't need to pay CM? why should the tax payer pick up the slack if he's a big earner?

Also what a cruel thing to do to your child at Christmas. Could you not have waited a week or so to tell him/her? How old is the child?

You need to get a solicitor as all cases are different. You may be able to stay in the family home until lDC
Is 18. But this isn't always the case.

There's not much you can do until after the New year anyway, so I suggest you both concentrate on showing your child that their world has not ended. Because, believe me, that is exactly how they feel!

ivykaty44 · 27/12/2018 06:05

Why would you stop your dc from getting maintenance- it’s nit money for you but money for the dc

I could ask, don’t you like your children?

Are you married?

ivykaty44 · 27/12/2018 06:07

Sorry your married, it’s likely that if you work more then the dc night stay with father more? So would your exdh stay in family home and you move out

bengalcat · 27/12/2018 06:20

Ok so this is a big blip . Shame it happened over Christmas especially for your DC . Are either you or your husband going to file for divorce ? There’s a difference between being separated and divorced .

SummerGems · 27/12/2018 06:27

Where did the op say she wouldn’t take maintenance? (Confused)

Op you do need to seek legal advice, the family home is a marital asset and as such you will be entitled to at least 50% of the equity. There is no such thing as an automatic right to stay in the family home though although this can be agreed in some circs.

He will need to pay maintenance based on his salary and access, however if he has his own business this could potentially complicate things as the numbers can be fixed in such a way that he gets a lesser salary than he actually does.

Which is why you need a solicitor.

ivykaty44 · 27/12/2018 06:29

I have told dh I won’t need maintenance, that’s what she wrote in her Opening post.

SummerGems · 27/12/2018 06:34

Ah I see it now, oddly it didn’t show initially.

Op cb and uc will have no bearing on maintenance,

ivykaty44 · 27/12/2018 06:38

There isn’t a feature in this board for editing posts

ISdads · 27/12/2018 06:42

Just take things slowly. It's good if he is talking of moving out. It's bad for you that he owns his own business as he can fuck you over big time by hiding assets etc. You will not necessarily be fine at all, if he is antagonistic, or your lawyer is crap. Why on earth did you say you don't want maintenance???? How much uc do you think you will be getting????

Loopytiles · 27/12/2018 06:56

Get legal advice asap.

Don’t discuss maintenance or other financial matters with him - other than v short term ones - any more until you have had full advice.

He is self employed so could well use loopholes to keep much more than his fair share of his income and assets.

Graphista · 27/12/2018 07:00

"I don’t think he needs to pay maintenance as I will be entitled to universal credit and fam allowance now." What the hell - why?!

Besides the benefits side his child is still half his responsibility regardless of your income.

And in any case - Have you ever even been on benefits before?!! Do you know how little it is?! Plus you'll likely be waiting several weeks possibly months till you get your first payment! (Currently the minimum is 5 weeks).

Have you even checked your possible eligibility? Think you're in for a shock!

www.entitledto.co.uk

"I did seek legal advice and was told “you will be absolutely fine as you have rights” " based on what? Where did you find lawyer? If you work more hours he could argue he is the primary carer of your child and get residency and by default the house.

You need to get GOOD legal advice which you're not currently getting.

DO NOT discuss ANYTHING ELSE with him until you've spoken to a lawyer that's been recommended by someone you trust as savvy!

Silkie2 · 27/12/2018 07:00

This is the MN Legal thread - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_matters

State where you live in the country (Scotland/EnglandWales) and ask a question and you might get some knowledgeable replies.

Hofuckingho · 27/12/2018 07:04

Don’t say another word to him before you’ve you got yourself a shit hot solicitor.

TeachesOfPeaches · 27/12/2018 07:13

OP you sound very excited about going onto universal credit. The reality is that you have a very tough few years ahead of you as you try to rebuild your life as a single parent.

Why have you told your husband he doesn't have to pay for his child?

deepwatersolo · 27/12/2018 07:22

Over at the feminist board they have discussed cases where universal credit temporarily forced women into prostitution. So, I wouldn’t be too generous to DH when it comes to paying up, if I were you, OP.

Gina2012 · 27/12/2018 07:30

I have told DH.....?.?.?. I don’t think he needs to pay maintenance as I will be entitled to universal credit and fam allowance now.

You must accept child maintenance - you are entitled to it if you have your child living with you

And don't let husband bad mouth you to your child. That's mean.

See a solicitor again

anotherdaygoesby · 27/12/2018 07:37

I work with families that are on UC. The poverty is unbelievable. These are people that have managed ok until the change but now have mounting rent arrears, no xmas dinner this year and couldn't buy presents for there children. They are living on food bank vouchers.

I spend time driving around delivering donations to crying women. It's so very upsetting to see people that desperate and I have gone this job for a long time.

The house will depend on various things but ultimately you need to be able to afford to both live. Can you do that?

anotherdaygoesby · 27/12/2018 07:38

Their*

Thespace · 27/12/2018 07:40

What does ‘you will be absolutely fine’ mean legally?

Yes you might eventually be absolutely fine but that might not be in the same house. Every couple’s circumstances are different.

Original poster
Handbagsnotgladrags · 27/12/2018 12:20

Are you mad. I adore my child, she means the world to us both.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 27/12/2018 12:28

Are you mad? Why would your child’s parents not both have to contribute to their living costs?

Purpleisthenewblue1 · 27/12/2018 13:22

You won’t get any benefits if you have equity in your house or any other assets/savings over a certain amount.

notapizzaeater · 27/12/2018 13:42

Why would you tell her at Xmas ? Could it not have waited a few more days. You need proper legal advice.

Chaoticpenguin · 05/01/2019 21:14

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TooOldForThis67 · 06/01/2019 09:19

You will be entitled to UC if you own your own house, you just wont get the 'housing benefit' part. However, you are so wrong about thinking you'll manage on UC and CB! You will need him to pay CM, it is for your child but if he continues to pay the bills instead then that's better!
If you have the main caring responsibilities of your child then yes, you can stay in the marital home until they leave education. If there is enough equity, you could sell and then both have somewhere to live.
UC doesn't pay for childcare up front, you can claim upto 80% back but get the money the following month. There are many benefit calculators on the internet, give it a try. If you continue to work more hours than your DH is your child better off with you or him? A lot of serious considerations to think about.

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