Snapping

[hadabadday]

Do you tolerate being snapped at? I'm starting to get fed up of it, its the one thing that upsets me more than anything else.
My DS was telling me yesterday that he liked a song that went "I've had a bad day..." and I recognised it and said I'd try and get him it, so I turned to DP and asked who sang it, he said he recognised it too but couldn't remember who sang it. I took a guess at the Kaiser Chiefs to which he said "no, it's not them, it's Daniel something" so not being very clued up on modern music took a guess at Daniel Beddingfield (sp?) and he snapped "NO!" really nasty.
I was a bit upset but just left it but he does this quite alot, for instance if he's watching TV and I ask him something or shout of him I get "WHAT!!" etc

Other times he's fine its just like the odd slip of the tounge, he always tries to laugh it off afterwards or make out that he was just playing but its obvious he's not.

Am i making too much of it?

I wouldn't be happy with someone speaking to me like that tbh! It's like he hasn't got the time or patience to actually listen to the people he's supposed to love!

Think you need to have a talk to him about it, and get to the bottom of why he's like that. Is he stressed out with work or something and just taking it out on you?

I think if it's not happening all the time then there's no real problem.
Some men just shut off completely when watching TV and wouldn't even bother to reply, snappy or otherwise.

I wouldn't take it personally. He just doesn't seem to deal very well with having his train of thought or concentration interupted. Little boys will be little boys you know

Having said that, i don't think there would be any harm in you pointing out that you will not tolerate being spoken to like that and, if he can't speak without snapping then you would prefer him to say nothing at all.

BTW it's Daniel Powter - Bad Day

Your dp is out of order, if my dh spoke like that to me he would get the sharp side of my tongue

I think you hit the nail on the head, TimeForMe! Dh is very bad at being interrupted and I hate being grumped for asking something. Dh says it's not a deliberate diss, but it really feels like it and I snap back badly. In a way it's as though he's trying to control the situation and when I'm horrible he's in familiar territory although it's not very nice for either of us.

Dh and I are trying to do something about it, but it's quite hard to change such hard-wired behaviour for both of us.

you could try the don't-respond-when-you-don't-like-the-tone-of-voice method. just ignore if he snaps, respond when he's nice.

Hi hellobello

My DP isn't very good at being interrupted either he doesn't snap so much but he does tend to 'not hear me' which can in turn make me the snappy one! Then he snaps!!
Vicious circle which if isn't broken can blow everything out of proportion!

I've learned not to react now, ive mastered the art of 'the look'!! i don't speak, i just give him a glare, then i walk away. Within half an hour he will be asking me if i want a cup of tea or something, his own way of making amends.

I don't see any point in ranting on and on, it just makes things worse sometimes.

Are we married to the same person? I wonder about what reaction dh is aiming for when he whines at me, usually 'just wait' or 'in a minute' or 'what?', each response unprovoked and always whinging. I don't like being spoken to like that and as I said, I react badly. This morning I woke up at 3am. Dh was awake, so I asked him what he though he was doing treating me like that. Stupid time to start looking for answers

I'm really fed-up with this behaviour and I wonder why we do this to each other

Well if we are I won't fight you for him, I walk walk away gracefully

The thing is, when we react we end up treating them in just the same way as they are treating us, which really makes us no better than them!

Plus, it doesn't solve anything.

I have learned that it isn't always the most important thing to be 'right' or to have the last word, you can try getting your point across until you are blue in the face but it won't go in. I just walk away without saying anything and wait for him to come to me, by which time the situation has been difused and he has not got his defenses up so he actually hears what i am saying. All calmly

It really does work if you fancy giving it a try. The actual change in the way you are handling things will come as a bit of a shock to him in the first instance he will be thrown off guard just by that!

I'll give it a go! I understand exactly what you mean about us being no better than them for responding defensively. It's like the under 5s - not so good when there are no adults around!

I just think someone has to be the bigger person, the adult! It's not about 'giving in' or being subservient, it's about preferring compromise to confrontation. After a while you will notice that the issues that drove you bonkers aren't there anymore. It all makes for a much more pleasant relationship.

Anyway, as long as you know you are right, who cares what he thinks