Had enough of MIL

[AuntieMeemz]

She has a serious personality disorder and I can't take any more (after 20 years).Every year we say no more Christmas but the pressure is Re!ent!ess all year. we have cut visits to once a month but it is always a very stressful experience. Children don't want to go so she's starting giving them £10 each when we visit. All attempts to set rules of boundaries have failed. D'S supportive but pretty much driven to a breakdown by her! No way out but to refuse again to see MIL. If love s shoulder to cry on and someone to tell me when to tell her we are not going there for Christmas again.

What is it that she does that’s so awful?

When to tell MIL 'Never again '?

The need to control literally every move people make,to offer people, e.g. You should help,so you stand there and she barks things like 'use your brsin,you are so selfish 'but people dont do anything because she will b ark ' don't put that there,don't use that's so it's catch 22. she created a massive storm today in a household of people because we were lat e arriving at her friends house. She was commanding is to apologise, as if we wouldnt! We went to leave and she demanded that we stay. The hostess didn't know what to do, MIL ordered everyone to make space for us. Indescribable really. I could relate hundreds of similar horror stories.

We have tried to tolerate her because she is now ,90 off but I just can't and won't any more. DH suffered a breakdown some years ago, she literally drive him insane.

Well she isn’t going to change. So you can say nothing and not go next year - virus/tummy bug etc etc or have a massive row with her. The outcome will be the same. She sounds v odd. Is she like that with everyone?

Can DH visit her on his own?

I don't think he wants to Granny. She's already driven him to a breakdown once.

Thank you for hearing me,I really needed that! She is same with BI L and his son, very spiteful and nasty. In our family she goes for me every time and dd. With FIL she is unbelievab my awful. No one has any idea what to do when she attacks. D h has started visiting her on his own but it's literally damaging his sanity.

None of you need to visit her. She obviously doesn't welcome visitors anyway.

Would you put up with a friend treating you like this?

I’m guessing that the answer is no.

So why put up with it from family?

Have you read the Captain Awkward site? There's a lot of good advice there for dealing with very difficult people. You might find it useful.

I would tell her, just once, that I wasn't going to visit her next Christmas and then refuse to engage in any conversation about it. When she is rude or mean or unpleasant, leave her company immediately. Go home. Don't let her get away with this any more. Yes, she'll kick off and things will be difficult; but she's making things difficult anyway. You might as well make the most of it and get away from her.

We have put up with it in the past because she was so old now 94 I think, and because she and FIL have no other UK family.getting up and leaving usually results in her bellowing the most disturbing abuse right up the street. We go home then the phone calls start,then the cheques...like I said, she definitely had a disorder!

My dream is to hire a minded to take with us, who would u understand and just step in between her and whoever she is attacking!

Go no contact this is not fair on you, your OH or your children. When the children were small we explained it away as nutty nana, then eventually I saw the light blew my stack and blocked her, phone wise, etc.