DH grandmother...

[BlondeViking]

So DH has a grandmother who always insists on coming around on Christmas Eve to do the gift drop. She lives alone and only has 2 other relatives that she speaks to so I don't really want to stop her coming around to see DH and DS Christmas Eve. However, every year I absolutely dread this, she always has some kind of agenda to try and spoil our happy family dynamic. Last Christmas Eve we had a Christmas card addressed to DH and Co, she hadn't even bothered to write mine and DS names on card so this was her little way of being passive aggressive. This year she has managed to bring DH a gift and DS a gift but told me that she had dropped mine. I expected there to be another passive aggressive dig this year but I didn't realise it would be so brazen. I just shrugged it off as didn't want anything to ruin the mood, these years are just magical for our little boy! But I go all out for her every year, I make sure that I put DS's favourite songs on when she's here and tell him to dance with great grandmother, asked her did she like our stockings as they were all hanging up ready and she stuck her nose in the air. I made a large bouquet with all her favourite things gift wrapped as a Christmas present and when I handed it to her she said she would go to see if she could find my gift. She returned with a little bar of soap and little hand wash that you get free in hotels. DH and I have been together 12 years and married for 7 years, but this behaviour has always been consistent. What now?

She is clearly a bit of a cow with a downer on you, but you know what she’s going to be like. Why do you let it get to you so much? Leave her with DH and DS and pop out to the pub/supermarket/local carol service and leave them to it.

I have thought of doing that but then why should I leave my home on Christmas Eve when it is the most magical time. My son is only 4 years old.

She’s not arsed about Christmas. That’s all.

I had a relative that favoured males over females. Could it be this rather than aimed at you personally?

Just decide not to let it bother you. It is a couple of hours on occasion; I would inwardly eye roll but just put up for the sake of my family.

You sound like you are happy otherwise, so let her get on with it and don't give her even the slightest hint that you care. I really wouldn't anyway.

How long does she stay?

It’s something your DH wants to do. So let him and decide to do something instead. I assume it’s a house with more than one room. Take a long bath, read a book in bed or go out. How hard can it be to avoid a granny.

Like someone said she isn’t that arsed about Christmas. You seem to see it as magical. She is irked by this and you are irked by her. Christmas isn’t just magical it’s about irksome relatives as well. Referenced in every seasonal movie and sitcom.

I disagree with other posters. She's being deliberately disrespectful, and it would get to me. Its your home. irrespective of her age, she knows what she is doing. Speak to your husband and deal with it. I would never put up with that shit. If she can't conduct herself fairly, then uninvite her. End of.

Is she jealous of you?

Why allow her to do this? Get her soap next year.

I think you sound like a lovely thoughtful person. She however sounds awful. For whatever reason (pps have given some suggestions) she dislikes you. I read a great turn of phrase on mn recently - dont swim oceans for people who wont step over a puddle for you. So stop doing the extra for her. Dont put on ds' favourite songs. Dont try and actively include her in christmas by asking if she likes the stockings etc because with someone like her thats giving her the opportunity to hurt you.

Also you and dh should do a sweepstake on how she will try and bring you down. At least that way you can laugh about it together.

We've been doing the sweepstake for a while! And we do actually look at eachother and smile but she hasn't picked up on this! I don't think she understands decorum, she must think that I'm not picking up on these passive aggressive gestures that's why she takes it a little step further every year.

Get her sod all next time. I wouldn't be going all out to make it a lovely time for her when she is blatantly horrible to you.

Next year why not change it all completely?? Get your husband to call in at her house earlier in Christmas Eve to avoid her having to visit you. Or have some friends around when she visits and husband can deal with her?
Or take your child to the carol service or garden centre or to the park or to a friend's when she visits?
Its not good for your child to see that you accept people being rude to you., nor that your husband condones it.

Has all the hallmarks of an aged relative that doesn't approve of his grandson's choice of wife I'm afraid. Best of just grey rocking it and letting DH deal with grandma until she isn't a problem anymore.

Stop making such a vast effort for her! Dont make her gifts into a bouquet (??), just wrap some cheap smellies in normal paper. Dont invite her to admire the stockings or the tree or the damn christmas elf, just pour her a small sherry and carry on interacting with your child as normal.

Can you host a party on Xmas eve or a family get together so it's not just her coming over? May keep her more occupied and less likely to upset you.

Also, stop making such an effort with her gift. Go one step further and get DH to do it since he's so special to her (no offence to DH but men tend to not be so good at these things)