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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to move on from ex who still wants to be together?

4 replies

Crystalcrazy · 26/12/2018 22:34

My first post on here, all advice welcome and appreciated. I got divorced earlier this year after my ex broke the news last year that he no longer wanted to be married to me. I had to leave our home and now have my own home which I have lived in for almost a year. I never wanted to get divorced and was heart broken. Since living on my own we have always maintained contact and a few months ago we decided to try to make things work and got back together. We carried on living separately and saw each other on evenings and weekends. I started to realise that he hasn’t changed and is still as self centred and mean as before. I did see these behaviours when we were married however my desire to remain as a family meant I used to put up with being treated badly which I can see now. He is finding it very difficult on his own and I am a nurturer, always fixing his problems. I now realise that the old life is gone and it really is time to move on but he won’t let me. I get numerous texts saying that he misses me. He is very down and negative all the time about life in general and it’s making me miserable too. I have thought about staying together for his sake but that would only make me unhappy. It’s so hard to move on when someone is always telling you they need you. He is making me feel responsible for his life. I haven’t blocked his messages and calls, it just feels cruel. Does anyone have any advice or experience of this and if so, how did you handle it? Thank you in advance, sorry couldn't add paragraphs

OP posts:
LaughingCow99 · 26/12/2018 22:39

You are not responsible for his life.

He is wrong to continue to reach out to you. Clearly he is banking on your kind nature and is hoping you will just take him back. You don't want him so remaining in touch is only prolonging the inevitable. Suggest counselling to him and tell him you are not going to remain in touch because you are living your new life. That chapter is closed and he needs to work on accepting it. He sounds manipulative. Mind yourself.

rosewater09 · 26/12/2018 22:40

Do you have children with him? If not, I would suggest cutting off all contact with him immediately. Block his number and don't respond if he reaches out in another way. The only way for him to get over you and your relationship is if he knows it is over and if he doesn't have contact with you. If you do have DC together, I would cut off all communication with him that doesn't pertain to the children. I wouldn't respond to texts, emails or return phone calls if they weren't about the children.

madcatladyforever · 26/12/2018 22:46

My ex is the same, he doesn't care about me he just realises how tough his life is without me doing everything.
I've made it quite plain we're never getting back together.
just leave him alone, he hasn't changed, he won't change in the future and you divorced him for a reason. Let him go.

Crystalcrazy · 26/12/2018 23:05

Thank you for your replies, we don't have children together but do have our own grown up children. Therefore, no need to keep in contact for that reason.

He is very manipulative and knows how to push my buttons, I am always the first to provide help to anyone who needs it. I think I may need to block him. When I get a text my heart sinks and I dread reading the message. I try to ignore it but it's very difficult.

Madcatladyforever, if you don't mind me asking, does your ex try to maintain contact and how do you handle it?

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