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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Psychoanalyse this dream? May be triggering.

12 replies

Oooomf · 26/12/2018 22:04

DH and I broke up 4 years ago. I started to see a woman with his knowledge and agreement but it ended us eventually. Not what either of us wanted but just how it played out. We always stayed friends and close.

We've become really close again in the last 12 months. No other parties involved.

He said he had a dream recently...

That we were going for therapy together but when he arrived the psychiatrist was sat in a chair and I was sat in a bed with a woman. He asked what was going on.

Then I was missing. He was looking for me everywhere and couldn't find me.

A man had taken me. He searched until he found me but I had been killed.

She said he had to put me in this liquid to keep the evidence preserved.

He said it was horrible and he was crying.

He found the man that did it and killed him. Woke up crying.

Anyone care to pick it apart?

OP posts:

LaughingCow99 · 26/12/2018 22:09

He's worried you will go off with a woman again. He killed you out of anger and blamed it on an unknown man. Clearly he isn't over you being with so done else

Or not

LaughingCow99 · 26/12/2018 22:10

Someone else, not so done

selkiesolstice · 26/12/2018 22:12

I'd say that you being ''killed'' is that the old you, the you he knew and teh you he had access to as a man (himself) is gone.
And by access I don't just mean sexual, but when he was with you, it wasn't right for you both and you separated.
So not only were you ''killed'' but killed by a man. And the pair of you are close again. But he killed ''the man'' who killed you. Was it him? I'd say he is grappling with that dream all right.
I've had a few dreams where I've killed a version of myself or somebody that represents something.

Sounds like a bit of wounded masculine energy there and I wouldn't blame him for that.

NotTheFordType · 26/12/2018 22:12

Dreams are meaningless.

I'd be more interested in why he found it necessary to describe to you in graphic detail how he saw you in bed with someone else and then "found" you murdered.

selkiesolstice · 26/12/2018 22:14

''He's worried you will go off with a woman again. He killed you out of anger and blamed it on an unknown man. Clearly he isn't over you being with so done else''

Disagree with this interpretation!! Both of the old yous are gone now. Killed. By him. But you are becoming close again. New Yous are becoming close again.

I think it's a positive dream.

selkiesolstice · 26/12/2018 22:15

Dreams are definitely not meaningless. How can anybody seriously be operating on such a low level of consciousness that they believe that dreams are meaningless.

RhubarbTea · 26/12/2018 22:15

Going on instinct alone more than psychoanalysis but... He is consumed by the thought of you in bed with another women. The unknown man who killed you could represent him, and the anger he felt at your betrayal, or the fact that you are dead to him in that way, you have died on some level but this is still a source of grief for him hence waking up crying. You going missing and ending up killed could also be a way of distancing himself from the anger or upset he feels, like he couldn't dream that bit. Like when you say 'I wouldn't dream of it' about something you'd never do.

I had dreams like that when I was getting over my ex. They tore me up but they were part of the healing process and I don't have them any more.

selkiesolstice · 26/12/2018 22:18

Interesting as well that he wanted to ''preserve'' you.

So the memories cannot be lost to him. The memories have value to him. But killing old you and killing the man who killed old you (old him) shows acceptance that it's all happened/different but the OLD relationship as it was had value to him and he perhaps values that ignorant bliss.

selkiesolstice · 26/12/2018 22:19

They are difficult to wake up to, these dreams, especially when you've killed somebody (I've had these dreams too). But they are helpful, they propel you forward towards an epiphany...

NotTheFordType · 26/12/2018 22:21

I would prefer to operate on such a high level of consciousness that I can separate motivated belief in images that appear during a nightly period of sleep, from the reality of someone actually speaking some words

selkiesolstice · 26/12/2018 22:30

Well done you. Deliberating suppressing /ignoring your subconscious, as though the conscious had the power to see its own blind spots, integrate its own shadows without any work or thought!

reenchantmentofeverydaylife · 27/12/2018 01:24

NotTheFordType, not every man/ex-partner has murderous intentions and says stuff like that to women to threaten/control them. The OP and her ex are close, as she explained, and her ex felt he could confide in her about a dream that disturbed him and concerns them both (but his own psychology primarily). You can completely dismiss the value of dreams, that's your prerogative, but plenty of people find sometimes profound relief and healing in their dreams, and actually, for what it's worth, in a situation like this the OP might have more to worry about if her ex was having such dreams and not talking about them, to her or anyone else.

My own personal experience is that my dreams have been very significant in helping me manage my mental health. They often require work but that can bring vital pay-offs.

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