Feel like I'm being pushed out

[ladytmp]

So I don't really know where to begin, At the beginning my bf was so intense. Lovely, but full on: I want to be with you, see you every day, blah blah ... I feel like he went from constantly wanting me to now not being bothered if he sees me or not. when I try and talk to him about it he turns it so that I'm making him feel shit because he's always doing something wrong .. He's trying to rebuild relationships with his mother and father who he doesn't get on well with, and he says he's just struggling at the moment and needs to go slow... Which is fine and I'm happy to take a step back I just feel like I was the one who wanted to go slow from the beginning and yet he went at like 100mph into this relationship .. and I do tend to bottle up my feelings and then explode at little things .. truth is this is the first relationship I've been in where I genuinely have feelings for the guy. He says he feels the same and I do believe him it's just vastly different to how he portrayed it was gonna be. He wants to start a family and even I think it's too soon but why say that and then go cold? What makes it worse is I have quite a high sex drive and his is very low he says it's because he's always tired because he works long hours and I fully understand that but I also work very long hours and I feel like if I'm willing to put the effort in he could too, especially since he spends more time at my place where I cook and clean for him...I just feel like I'm giving it my all and getting nothing back in return. I've not seen him at all over Christmas apart from Christmas Eve morning when we had a disagreement... he said he would see me on Boxing Day and we were going to go to the cinema but he's not mentioned it since and made plans with his brother instead. Then text me to say he misses me and has hardly seen me??!!!! Like, I literally freed up my day to spend it with him and then he doesn't show...
I'm so confused .

He is giving you just enough to keep you hanging on.

Too much like hard work.
Seriously get shut of him.

How long have you been in this relationship for?

@maximumcarnage that's the funny thing. 6 months . We've known each other longer, for years. But recently got together. He asked me to be his gf. He asked me to move in with him (which I didn't of course) but it did push me to move out my parents quicker than what I would have done if he hasn't been in my life.

Thank you for replies... he's very hard work, like he can be the sweetest man. But most of the time he's just fu of banter or whatever it is and talks to me like how he talks to his mates , constant jokes and put downs. Not in a derogatory way, but in a sarcastic.. I don't know whether or not to take him serious or not. way . He's like it with everyone it's not just me but it does make it difficult when even if I try and have a discussion about how I'm feeling, i ask him how are you feeling? And all i get is I don't know or what do you want me to say... neither of which reassures me or helps us move forward and yes I do flip out over silly little things but it's all the little things that keep adding up that then make me explode over something small...
I truly care about this guy but it's like the minute I get close he pulls away...and yet he instigated all of this?!

Thank you for shedding a bit more light on the situation. I’d say it’s kind of early days but you’ve had the benefit of knowing him longer. It’s easy for people like me to say ditch him, we are not in your shoes and don’t have to deal with the fallout.

It’s possible his not showing any interest or very little is a short term blip with what he’s going through but I have my doubts based on what you’ve said. He sounds like a good friend, someone you can go out and have a laugh with but not in a serious relationship.

The other thing that’s got me worried is the sex drive. His isn’t going to change. Yours probably won’t either. At the moment your making do, getting by but the longer this goes on the bigger an issue it’ll be. It’ll eat at you. And become corrosive.

I don’t feel like this relationship has any legs. It’s been six months and you’re already raising a number of things your not happy with. Perhaps being friends again would be a better option. Maybe revisit it at a later date. Perhaps find someone who you’re more compatible with?

This guy is an absolute dick! Please please get rid and don't be with someone who calls all the shots with you barely having a relationship with you?

Let me tell you an old mumsnet adage.

When you shows you who he is, believe him the first time.

He was all well behaved to hook you at first and now he has he can treat you however he wants. Show him he can't and start your new year treating yourself right and not accepting crumbs from someone when you could have the full cake.

Why are you cooking and cleaning for him? Ffs don't move him in or get pregnant with him. You can do far better than him, OP.

You don't sound very compatible.
I think you're wasting your time.

Have a look at this, op

@Pearlsandgems @RyderWhiteSwan @Obsidian77 i understand where your coming from, i only cook as i like to, he has cooked a few times and always pays when we go out...
we are very different people, but thats what i like about him, that hes not like any other guy i know... like i said at times he can be the sweetest most lovely guy. its just the majority of the time, i feel like im the one he comes to when he wants to be looked after..
ive also never known a man sleep as much as he does..ive spoken to him about that too.. how is it you can be at ur mates 4 nights in a row and stay up to 4am but when hes with me hes napping on the sofa at 8! Now he makes jokes whenever hes over , (if he yawns he says i cant nap as youll shout at me..baring in mind ive not once raised my voice to him.) he thinks i hate his friends all because one time i said i didnt wanna hang out with them, (he was free to go, i even said id leave and go back to mine so he didnt feel compelled to stay in with me) since then he acts like i have issues with him seeing his mates which i never have. i just dont wants to see them all the time too as i think he should have time with them, without me!
Its that kind of sarcasm that i live with everyday..like i know hes joking but when he keeps saying it , i find it hard to move past..

@springydaff ive given that a read, it did ring quite true to my situation i will admit. ive told him im worried that once he fixes up his relationships with his family, i feel our relationship is already struggling because of it (not because of his family but how he is handling things) i feel like he can only concentrate on one at a time, and im all for him fixing things with his mom, i just feel like hes losing interest in me, he then says i should have trust in him & his feelings more...

i should be seeing him tonight... ive not asked to, he said he wants to see me.. i told him to see how he feels after work as im not gonna push to see him and see if he actually bothers to turn up today. Ive already told him im not cooking and im going to the gym after work...ill keep you updated...

I was in a relationship like this a while ago.. Spent so much time waiting for the 'real' him to reappear and kept making excuses for the way he actually behaved 24/7/365.
I agree with pp's, you're now seeing what he's really like.