Nothing from ex at christmas

[CandyCreeper]

I dont know why im
surprised or shocked tbh. Probably because this is the first year he has not bothered? My ex decided to cut all
contact with me and our 4 children almost a year ago. He just cut contact. Disappeared. He has messaged me about 3 times
in the year and pays no maintenance. He hasnt seen our children for almost a year. Well obviously yesterday was christmas and he hasnt contacted at all. I just dont know how someone can do that to their own children?! I know I should move on but dont know how to? I have to sit anf
listen to children upset because they “dont have a dad” Just dont know hoe he can be so cruel!

That is so horrible. What age are the children? As tough as it is, you need to be strong for them and just accept that he is a deadbeat dad. The children have you and that’s much more than lots of other kids. It is his loss in the end.

Just for sad for them
as they have no family from his side and only me my sister and dad on my side.
They are 7, 6, 4 and 18 months, he has seen the 18 month old 3 times.

I have no words for such a person in the name of a parent.

Total waste of space.

I guess
its too much expecting a merry christmas from him to his kids this time of year. You cant escape christmas
so im just shocked he could ignore his kids at christmas.

I've no great advice to offer. Didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry you and your DC are going through this. There's absolutely no excuse for his behaviour. All you can do is keep on keeping on, being the parent they can trust. Things will get better, but not soon.

An awful thing to do to you and his children. I get relationships don’t work out and sometimes people aren’t compatible but this is a whole new level of cruel and selfishness on his part. To abandon a family. Good grief.

Ideally he should be maintaining and seeing his children and especially over birthdays and Christmas. But better he has no contact than to waltz in and toy with your children’s affections and leave them disappointed and confused. So sorry about your situation.

I get what you mean about him walking in and out but I cant help but feel that would be better than not wanting to see them at all?

Im normally good at holding it
together but christmas has just made me realise how alone I am. I always over compensate with presents at christmas because my children dont get many to try to make up for that.

Some father's are just terrible. I remember my parents splitting when we were very young. We saw my dad at weekends, which were basically us at one of his girlfriends houses (he had a few different ones over the years, somee even overlapped). I remember my sister gave him a t-shirt for Xmas one year, saved from pocket money off my mum. A few weeks later I saw the t-shirt covered in motor oil in the boot of his car. He was a terrible dad and by age 12 I stopped seeing him. Haven't seen him in decades. I think keeping him in my life would have been more harmful. Maybe that is something to consider, op.

My DD hasn't seen her father since she was 2. She's 9. He is a card carrying asshole who pays no maintenance.

She hardly ever talks about him now. Hasn't done since she was about 4.

Your kids will move on.

I completely agree with maximumcarnage,
Ex dp FaceTimed our dc yesterday.. while he held his new baby dd on his lap and his new wife next to him and with her family there too. He’s not sent them cards or gifts for either their birthdays or Christmas for a few years (since being with new wife) so FaceTiming them yesterday morning was like another kick in the teeth. He had enough money to pay for all of their Christmas but nothing at all for our dc.
I’ve been fuming ever since yesterday. It shouldn’t bother me as wasted energy but it makes me so angry that he doesn’t do anything for our dc now (no maintenance or anything - another thread!)

That's terrible, OP. I'm so sorry. Take this as the last straw and "forget" about him now. He's irrelevant to you and your kids and thinking about him and getting upset about him will only be holding you back.

He should be paying maintenance.

You're doing a great job.

My brother and I had no contact at all from our father after my dm and he divorced when we were two. I love my mum to boots, she did a great job. You will be all your children need.

Hmm see my dad wasnt around growing up (I do have a relationshio with him now though) but he always sent us christmas and birthday cards without fail and although it obviously wasnt enough I atleast knew we were in his thoughts.

He doesnt work or claim benefits so no maintenance.

Horrible situation OP, the ‘man’ is totally selfish. Unfortunately you cannot control his behaviour so just reinforce the relationship between your dad/sister and your DC, things may change later with him, but in the meantime look after the emotional well-being of the children.

For your DC to be loved by all of you is priceless.

Thanks but tbh my sister really isnt that helpful. Shes very much “You made your bed so lie in it/you chose to have 4” Ive never had a break from my children since the youngest was born, No one will take 4. Just abit angry and bitter that ex gets away with zero responsibility. Will continue to be strong for them though just times
like christmas and birthdays were I crumble abit.

That’s crap OP. The only input I really had was from my mum, this is despite having 5 siblings, they all had their own families.

I’m sure you didn’t choose to have 4 DC knowing full well you were going to be in this position? Situations happen out of our control sometimes, and it’s very sad your DSIS feels this way. Sadly you’re not alone though

Christmas/holidays it’s always hits us, very emotional time of year. In years to come, your DC will have grown and add to your family, you’ll have an abundance of love around you.