Electricity- does it ever last?

[Thinkingofthisagain]

Right, I'm posting this as it's Christmas, I've had a couple of wines and once again I'm thinking back to an ex.

Now I'll start by saying our relationship obviously failed, and I don't want him back. Not him the person. BUT. I have never felt so connected to anyone else, and I mean a physical, electric connection, as fucking stupid as that sounds. I can remember the first time we ever touched, In 2010 . We were at work, I'd never given him much thought until that point, his hand touched mine and I felt an actual spark and I just knew we'd be together. Again, I'm a cynical LTB type usually, I'm cringing a bit putting this into words. But, he felt the same and we had a whirlwind relationship from that point on, moved in together after a few months, it ended in dramatic style after 2 years.

The connection bit- We both worked in pubs/bars/restaurants at the time, sometimes together, on different shifts, or we'd meet up at the end of a shift, and I'd know when he entered the pub, I could feel that he was close by. If we caught eachothers eye across a room it felt like the rest of the room was in slow motion. I've never known anything like it.

Practically, we were a disaster, no one has ever let me down as much, or financially fucked up as much. I couldn't live with him.

Anyway, my point is, 8 years later I still crave that feeling. Was it really just pure lust? And why is it something I crave when the rest of the relationship was such a disaster?

God this is long. Sorry.

Sounds like chemical you produce related to addiction? Like you're addicted to him and that is what you're remembering? So yes I think it's lust? Go look at 'Men Chase Women Choose' the author explains the chemicals. I there are some on YouTube as well?

I have the kind of physical reaction you describe with a lot of people (electricity when touching rather than whirlwind romantic connection). I think it’s more the shock of being touched when you don’t expect it and people read into it too much.

That sounds really stressful.

I have been with Dp coming up on 2 years. And I can identify with a lot of what you said. Like you I am not a romantic and didn't believe this existed.

But it feels different when he touches me. I can sense him. When we met, he was staying with my best friend after he left his wife. I didnt meet him until hevhad been seperated a while and decided to move back to where his family are from. I am very close to my best friend (his relative) and used to stay over. I could be anywhere in the house and I could tell he had come home, Even if I had headphones on listening to music.

When we are out in a crowded place I know if he is looking at/for me. We have both also been able to recognise small changes in eachother body language. I can tell his mood, what he is really thinking and how he feels even when he is putting up a front. He does the same. Even when others, we have known longer can't. It's one of my favourite thing about him. If I am having a bad day and putting on a front, he knows it's front.

I don't think it's pure lust. It was at first. I didn't feel sparks the first time he looked at me. But I did when, a few minutes later, he smiled. I really fancy him. But its developed into more. He hasn't let me down or financially fucked up. So it developed into love.

Perhaps in your case the lust never developed further than that.

Addiction, yes possibly! Although we weren't jealous/obsessive over eachother or anything like that. We got on really well in theory, he was just crap at organising his life and finances which obviously impacted me when we lived together and I had my dd to prioritise so I left. This really isn't about him, but that feeling of being so in tune with someone.

Notaclue - that's exactly what it was like. The intuitive connection with someone that I've never had since.

I'm dating someone now who is lovely, funny, great in bed etc. And I wouldn't stop this relationship progressing because of the above, but I always have that tiny thought that I'd meet someone eventually and have that connection again, but with a more stable person obviously!

This morning, I know I'm being daft, I was just curious if other couples experience it, like notaclue

I've had this once. It's definitely a thing. So hard to ditch because it's like you're being pumped full of a drug that provides such powerful and immediate gratification. And yet... really not great for you. Addiction is not far off I think.

Don't give up hope of finding something satisfying again.

I think some people just truly connect with very few other people. When it happens it's rare and remarkable and you have to grab it with both hands. At least you have a yardstick of attraction to measure by now. Untili met my 1st Mr Electric I had literally no idea what I was meant to be looking for. Now I do.

That electricity is usually the unconscious calling strongly - which usually hints at deep-seated family patterns of relating that are being sparked. That's why it is like a drug, and it's so damned seductive - and often ends up being anything but.

That electric feeling is your soul connecting with another like minded soul. Sadly, both souls are unhappy and a bit fractured; therefore no good ever comes out of it because no balance can ever exist between the two souls.

I had a similar relationship which I ended despite caring about him so very much. But I had to end it because it was dangerously out of control. On reflection, I can see now that we both had addiction and power issues. I still think about him, but I know that I could never go back to him. It's a tough one.

I had this once too.
Was a teenager at the time, I felt the air change when this boy came into the room, we were in a training session so I was facing the front but I could feel him in the room. We’d never met before. We had to do an exercise where we put a bandage on another person. The electricity between us was physical and my friends commented on it after wards. He obviously felt the same because his mates were making jokes about lightening etc when we went out.
We dated for a bit but it fizzled out over the summer as teenage things do, we saw each other the next year and he was suddenly like a best mate. We wanted to be around each other but the electricity wasn’t The same.
I do wonder sometimes if we’d have dated again if it would have been a great long term thing once we were older and wiser......

electricity? it's the static, related to what you wear ;-)

but seriously, I have felt that extreme attraction. It's great if the rest of the relationships is fine, but it usually blinds you to the incompatibilities. I can still remember his gaze as if it was yesterday. He never realized, or cared, how much I wanted him, and it was a very brief connection which wasn't meant to be. My heart still aches thinking about him, though.