Partner involving toddler in our domestics

[Bluetitbirdy]

So today, I was a bit upset because my toddler hit me and I know she didn't mean it but I was still hurt by it.

After Xmas dinner, I was sat on my phone doing some important stuff, DD playing and partner watching tv. Partner then says to DD, go and give mummy a kiss, she's sad again she's back on her phone. I know he gets annoyed when I'm on my phone but I don't understand why he can't just take me to one side and mention it instead of getting our child involved.

He's the type who never wants to talk through issues I actually find him to be immature and unattractive. I fantasize about being with another man who actually wants to resolve conflict like reasoned adults.

He's wrong foe doing this isn't he?

God, writing skills are awful. Hope that all makes sense. I'm tired.

What's so important you have to be on your phone on xmas day?

I realise the irony of me typing this on my phone but I'm not pretending it's important

I don’t know. I don’t think he involved the toddler. He asked her to do something nice to cheer you up

By the sounds of it you were unhappy and disengaged from your family. Possibly even huffing by using your phone, I don’t know. But you describe moody teen behaviour. He sounds more grown up and emotionally intelligent.

Oh right. I just feel like he bullies me a lot. I though this was another dig. Guess I'm wrong then.

It was the way it was said. I don't understand why he couldn't just mention to me, like he was being passive aggressive. Always trying to put me down. If someone compliments me he doesn't agree, he's makes it seem like I'm the opposite.

Why are you staying with someone who you find unattractive, immature and bullying?

Maybe the bigger worry is that you find him immature & unattractive and feel that he's a bully? Perhaps those are the things that need to be sorted out first. The phone is a side issue surely?

Because he wasn't always like this. The past few months he has been distant with me- we never do things together anymore, there's no connection. He, out of the blue mentioned that he wants me to stay at home to raise DD instead of putting her in nursery as well as cook and clean. I have no income and her told me he's not happy about giving me money to buy the basics yet he wants me to stay home. He's lost the plot.

I am confused.

When you say you have no money, do you mean if you did not work? You work for basic things you need and he wants you to give up work and look after your DD?

I do not think you should do that - as you quite rightly say, he has lost the plot with that one.

I do understand what you mean about the phone. Both your partner and your DD were busy, you were trying to get something done on your phone and he interrupted it via your DD. He could have just asked if you were okay and you would have said, yes, just finishing this. Or something. Whereas he involved your DD in it when she was playing. I am sure if your DD wanted to give you a kiss, she would have done so quite happily without being instructed to because Mummy was not being cheerful.

It is a minor point and I think the fact that you are posting is really about all the much bigger issues. 2019 should be your year to sort the big issues and work out what you want your life to look like

Yes, I'm not working at the moment. Been unsuccessful in finding any work and have almost eaten through all my savings.

I do an evening course in college 2 evenings a week. Which he thinks I should give up. Says I should stay home and be a mum yet doesn't understand that I need some security. If I were a millionaire I would definitely consider leaving.

So you are living together and have a child and he is not happy paying for basics whilst you train and find a job?
Do not give up the college course, and do read up on financial abuse.

He wants you to stay home? Tell him you want him to stay home. Pah!

Don’t SAH. Work very hard at jobseeking and finding childcare.

Ok, I will look up financial abuse but I don't understand how it is since he pays rent and bills. But there will come a time when I need to ask her for money for food and travel plus activities and clothes for DD. He will be reluctant to give me anything, like when I was pregnant. I worked in a laborious job just to get by until I could fraufulently claim income support- claiming as a single person using my mother's address. Feel like I may need to do this again if he refuses to help me with stuff.

I asked him if he could go part time at his job but he got annoyed saying he worked hard to get the job he has now.

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/financial-abuse/

The link tells you about financial abuse. Keep safe on the website and delete your browsing history when you have read it so that your partner cannot track you.

Fuck no don't fraudulently claim. You'd carry the shit for that. Definitely go to womens aid. I believe you may be entitled to help as a single person if you are living together but the relationship has ended. I'm not sure how easy that is but womens aid will advise you best.

Old link but I knew I'd seen it somewhere
forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=1417739

Don't fraudulently claim. Claim legitimately. Get rid of the fucker and have a happy life with your dd and your own rules. Do it. He will only get worse. You also don't need his permission to leave!

It’s financial abuse because he pays for the stuff he needs to but doesn’t give you anything for your needs
He is making you the slave of the household
Start a single parent claim as a single parent

Do NOT make a fraudulent claim. That would make you a thief.

Instead, leave your twat of a partner and then you can make a genuine claim. I claimed benefits when I left my ex. Yes it's hard but it's better than being with somebody you don't like.

why aren't you getting rid of him?