Coping with poor mental health

[inmyshoos]

Ive been in a relationship for a short while and i care deeply about him.
He is pretty full on and intense but then pulls back and so it feels like an emotional rollercoaster.

He is clearly struggling at the moment and is pulling the plug on us. He is definitely in a phase of self destruct and whilst i think its probably end of the game for us, i care about him deeply.

He is very probably alone and i id reach out to him earlier only to get a dick respinse which he later said sorry for.
I haven't replied because i can only take so much but cant stand the idea he is alone and in this frame of mind.

Should i leave him be or send a message just to let him know i hope he is ok. Its so hard knowing what to do. He has been an absolute knobend but when he is well he is a lovely sensitive caring person.

Help!!

Hi op. This is called the nasty/nice cycle and can become addictive as you crave more of the nice every time he treats you horribly. It's designed to make you dependent on him and insecure and unsure of where you stand with him. He's not good for you. It's manipulative and controlling and gives him all the power. You need to leave him lovely. He will wreck your peace of mind and affect your mental health.

I've been trying to post a link to this but my phone won't let me. Google the nasty nice cycle and see if any of that resonates with you.

Can I ask how old you both are?

Thanks for the response and witb absolute respect i really hope that you are wrong about him.

We did have a good chat today and he told me quite honestly that he needs to do certain things to keep his mental health good and that because him amd i habe been quite intense he has neglected himself. I think he understandably finds it hard to talk openly about mental health issues but given some of his life experiences i think he is doing a great job of staying sane.
We have had a gpod chat and hopefully things are back on track.

We are both early 40s.

I think you need to protect yourself and put things on hold until he is on a more even keel.

Xmas can be a crisis time for some people so he may be responding to external stressors. Or he may be a dick. It's too early to tell. But for whatever reason, his behaviour is negatively affecting you, so you have to decide where you draw the line.

We have agreed to make time to look after ourselves so cooling things a bit but still being together.

So no late night messaging, no spending every free minute together. We both need to chill a bit and slow the pace. If that works great, if not we will have a rethink. I want to give it a chance. I want it to work.