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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Does this sound like a hint of Regret ?

22 replies

user1470296287 · 25/12/2018 17:12

Hi and Merry Christmas
My stbx and I have been separated nearly 3 years now he left suddenly after 18 years and yes there turned out to be an. OW.
My DS and girlfriend went to his for an overnight stay on Sunday and did gifts and dinner in a pub as he was going to OW on Christmas Eve she lives a 2 hour drive away.
He finished unwrapping gifts from DS and said thankyou and then said the only thing that would make his Christmas perfect now would be one of your Mums Christmas dinners it’s what he has missed the most!
He also said he won’t be going to OWs until after her son has left to go to his dads on Christmas Day as he can’t stand being around him he is a destructive little shit!
He will stay the night at his friends instead of being with OW on Christmas Eve I find this all a bit strange and sounds to me as if the scales have now finally start falling from his eyes and he can now see what he threw away when leaving his family for greener grass.

I don’t know what I’m asking really just maybe he does miss the family and life we built together and is maybe regretting his decision to leave us.
Having said that too much has happened and I would not ever want to be with him again, I suppose I’m looking for validation that he made a mistake and I was not to blame for the grass being greener and him leaving me

OP posts:

WhoKnewBeefStew · 25/12/2018 17:16

I think karma has probably started roost and reality of what he’s thrown away and what he’s got is starting to kick in muhahahahaha

MikeUniformMike · 25/12/2018 17:17

It does sound like regret but he made that decision and caused you pain.

ButteryParsnips · 25/12/2018 17:18

Yes that sounds like regret. Karma is a bitch, eh? And the other saying that comes to mind is: the best revenge is living well. You do that OP.

RyderWhiteSwan · 25/12/2018 17:25

I'd be pissed off if a former partner only missed me for my dinners, tbh. However, it's good that you have moved on.

ChristmasFluff · 25/12/2018 17:26

Sounds to me that he is being disparaging to you (the only thing he misses is your Mum's Christmas dinner), unfair to the OW's kid (slagging off a kid to other people), and acting like the emotionally unavailable shit that he is by staying at his friend's (probably a lie) rather than addressing issues with the OW. Except she'll know as little about the issues in their relationship as you knew about those in yours when he was boffing her behind your back.

Shitbag acts like a shitbag - nowt to learn further here. He's trying to drag you back in, whilst always leaving open the 'but YOU wanted us to try again!!!!' get out, by giving you nothing substantial.

Just count your blessings, OP. Your MANY many blessings. So many less bags of shit in your life.

ScaryInternet · 25/12/2018 17:29

No not really tbh, and it sounds like he’s still going to an awful lot of effort to be with her at Xmas.

It sounds more the case that he was trying to be complimentary towards you to your son, which is nice.

selkiesolstice · 25/12/2018 17:31

He misses your mum's dinners on Christmas day more than he misses the life he had with you? That's what he ''misses most''.

That wouldn't endear me to him.

Original poster

user1470296287 · 25/12/2018 17:58

Oh and I forgot to mention this came after the conversation with my DS that I am no longer with my DP he went on to say that he was thinking of leaving OW as it’s a nightmare and he can’t be a father figure to her DS as he is too much of a handful.

OP posts:

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 25/12/2018 18:04

How old is your DS? I’m not sure he should be talking to him about relationship problems with the OW. It seems a bit much to me but maybe we just have excessive boundaries in my family!

It is a bit tactless to say that he misses your Christmas dinners the most. I’m sure there are lots of other things he misses as much/more. Anyway you’re clearly a whole lot better off without him so I wouldn’t give it any headspace.

Original poster

user1470296287 · 25/12/2018 18:08

My DS is 18 and yes your correct I get very annoyed when he talks to him about his relationship problems I’m sure he does it so it gets back to me as we have no contact whatsoever now our DS is a young man.
OWs Ds is only 8 and has anger issues apparently so not a nice way to talk about her child especially to my Son.

OP posts:

Robin2323 · 25/12/2018 18:09

They ALWAYS regret it.
The grass is NEVER greener.
A woman who puts her needs above the wife / another person / sister / woman is selfish.
This selfishness will show eventually.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 25/12/2018 18:10

Oh that is sad if the little boy is only 8. At least your DS has you as his dad doesn’t sound like a winner right now.

brick10 · 25/12/2018 18:13

It sounds more like he doesn’t want to be a father figure as he’s not used to having younger kids around anymore. He’s not saying he misses his old life. Just continue to leave him in the past, not worth thinking about.

deepwatersolo · 25/12/2018 18:22

What it sounds like above all else is that he wants out of the current relationship and can‘t imagine doing that without another woman waiting to take him in.

Howdoyoudoit31 · 25/12/2018 19:32

It sounds like he just misses your cooking. I don’t think it sounds like regret.

Dirtybadger · 25/12/2018 19:58

He might have regrets. But that isn't quite the same as regretting the end of the relationship IYSWIM. Has he ever apologised? I'm sure plenty of people come to their senses years down the line and realised what could they were, how good they had it, how they hurt people. But that isn't the same as wishing the relationship had never ended.

SandyY2K · 25/12/2018 20:03

He's realising it's not all good.

Could be regret.... but it's too late.

Letshopeitsallok · 25/12/2018 20:08

It might be regret, but it’s not remorse.

It’s still all about what he wants and is entitled to (good dinners, quiet life) not remorse at the pain he caused.

You’re well rid.

MadeForThis · 25/12/2018 20:19

He sounds incredibly selfish. All about him and what he wants. No regret for any hurt he caused. Just what he misses - a stupid meal. Not a life together, time spent together.

Speaking to your Ds is manipulative.

Don't even consider taking him back. He'd be off again the second he thought there was a better offer.

Scifi101 · 25/12/2018 20:32

Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it.

Do not let him use you!

WisdomOfCrowds · 25/12/2018 20:48

*It might be regret, but it’s not remorse.

It’s still all about what he wants and is entitled to (good dinners, quiet life) not remorse at the pain he caused.

You’re well rid.*

This times a million.

He's not saying "gosh I think I made a mistake leaving, I'd give anything to go home and cook her a nice dinner while she puts her feet up". No, he's saying "gee I've got a long journey and a night on the couch later, I wish someone would cook me a hot dinner and scurry around waiting on me instead". If he thinks about wanting to reconcile it's probably framed in his mind of allowing you the honour of washing his pants for him again. How lucky you would be to cook dinner for his highness once again.

As another post said, count your many many blessings that this shit bag is no longer your shit bag.

Original poster

user1470296287 · 25/12/2018 22:12

Thanks for all your replies and your all right it doesn’t matter if he regrets destroying his family now as he made his bed.

Myself and my kids are happy and living a good life and we have each other and our self respect and a clear conscience.

Thanks again and a Happy 2019 to you all x

OP posts:

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