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Original poster

Should I leave

31 replies

welshmercury · 25/12/2018 13:47

Another Christmas has passed and no gift. No that sounds pathetic and I don’t want a Tiffany box. What I want is for him to get up and put some thought into wrapping something. Lots of my friends do me a mini hamper of smellies from the £1 shop as they know I love a drawer full of shower gel. So a gift from £1 shop wrapped up. I just want him to think of me and put some effort in. He always runs out of time.

I’m sat downstairs by myself. DS is playing with toys now and H is on computer. This is a regular occurrence. We never do nothing as a family. I know you can’t assume that all the social media pics are true but I do see happy smiling faces doing stuff together. DS and I do a lot together and he is aware that Dad won’t come. He gets upset for school things that he won’t come.

H is a SAHD but DS is now 9 and he needs to get back into work as we are struggling financially but he won’t. He has never really worked. I know everyone has it worse but I just want to feel valued. He says no to another baby and I’m now 39 so time is running out.

Do I cut my losses and move on.

OP posts:
CosmicCanary · 25/12/2018 13:48

YES!!!!

TheLittlestLightOnTheTree · 25/12/2018 13:50

Absolutely!!

Miggeldy · 25/12/2018 13:53

Yep. You should leave.

OhioOhioOhio · 25/12/2018 13:54

Yes. It is wonderful not worrying if they will be nice to you.

madcatladyforever · 25/12/2018 13:54

Christ he sounds like a selfish bastard. In an ideal world you would be allowed to kill him and bury him under the patio but I think leaving him is a good option.

GreyGardens88 · 25/12/2018 13:54

What did you get him OP?

Thequaffle · 25/12/2018 13:55

Doesn’t sound like he loves you very much, and you don’t sound happy at all OP Flowers. Yes I would cut my losses and leave.

Frosty66611 · 25/12/2018 13:58

It sounds miserable being with him so I would definitely leave. At least tell him you are strongly considering leaving to see if that gives him the kick up the arse he needs to start making an effort. If it doesn’t then get out of there ASAP before you waste more time being unhappy with him

OhioOhioOhio · 25/12/2018 14:01

He knows hes out of order. He enjoys it. Leave. Dont give him endless chances. Get your ducks lined up and go.

Doobee · 25/12/2018 14:03

Why do you want another baby with him anyway? He sounds really lazy and complacent

ferando81 · 25/12/2018 14:12

Yes leave .Your keeping him and he hasn't got the decency to get you a present .

deepwatersolo · 25/12/2018 14:14

welsh if you are struggling financially, another baby is not the best idea, no? Obviously, your husband is not involved enough and if couple councelling is not an option or not successful your best bet may be to move on. (That said, in your partners shoes as stay at home dad/mum, if I got a hard time for not returning to work, because finances, and for not going for another baby, that would be a level of mixed messaging that I would find extremely irritating.)

keenkaren · 25/12/2018 14:21

This is MN. Of course everyone is going to tell you to dump him even if he were Tom Hardy. I think people here are addicted to pushing other people down

UserMe18 · 25/12/2018 14:26

Christmas is a side point, "SAHD to a 9 year old, won't work even though we need him to" is the reason to chuck him.

Birdie6 · 25/12/2018 14:32

SAHD to a 9 year old ? So what does he do when DS is at school ( for the last 4 years ). What a lazy man he is. Time to move on.

Meckity1 · 25/12/2018 15:47

If you leave then he may have your child full time and you have to pay maintenance to him as he is the primary caregiver.

Sending hugs and I hope you find a way to work it out.

adaline · 25/12/2018 15:56

This is MN. Of course everyone is going to tell you to dump him even if he were Tom Hardy. I think people here are addicted to pushing other people down

Yeah, because people should stay with lazy partners who refuse to work and don't give enough a shit about their partner to even get them a Christmas present Hmm

I think more people need to raise their standards!

ChristmasFluff · 25/12/2018 17:33

Yeah, if Tom Hardy couldn't be arsed to get me Christmas present and was at home all day when a 9 year old was at work and we were financially struggling, I'd dump him without a second thought.

It's meant to be a partnership, not one person swimming, carrying a ball and chain.

ChristmasFluff · 25/12/2018 17:34

Ooops, the 9 year old would be at school not work! Unless I could find a suitably Victorian employer :-D :-D

Original poster
welshmercury · 25/12/2018 17:48

I would keep my kid with me. I do appreciate role SHAParents do but if I was at home I do feel I would kee the house in order.
I did get him a present. Bottle of Bailey his favourite but he genuinely wouldn’t have minded and wasn’t expecting anything. I was thinking about a baby a few years ago now as I’m 40 next year. He won’t even think about and it’s been years. The answer is no which is his right but when I said a few years ago that’s it he asked me ignoring it was right to split up our family because of what I wanted. I know you can say the same for him. Is the grass greener? I know I will regret not having more children for ever. I’m going out to friends tonight to celebrate Christmas which he seemed put out about but given I spend every other night alone downstairs while he is gaming the I made plans. The friends I’m seeing tonight have both lost their husbands, one a few years ago and one in December so I’m thinking on my life and how I want to be grateful for every day and have someone that values me.

OP posts:
Original poster
welshmercury · 25/12/2018 17:50

Baby was a few years ago as I’m nearly 40 now. There are plenty of part time jobs available. But he is too posh to stack shelves. I have always worked since I was 14

OP posts:
graphista · 25/12/2018 18:21

"If you leave then he may have your child full time and you have to pay maintenance to him as he is the primary caregiver."

This is a likely issue.

"I would keep my kid with me." You're assuming you'd get a choice in the matter. You may not.

IsThisSeeSawTaken · 25/12/2018 18:30

@welshmercury I’m sorry you are unhappy and feeling uncherished. He is lazy, unappreciative and comfortable because you have allowed him to carry on this way, and he has become accustomed to the lifestyle. He probably thinks you won’t leave because a family unit is important to you. Unfortunately he offers very little!

It will not necessarily be an easy ride, and you may not find the right partner for you, however you will be living on your own terms, and there is always hope and chance, far more than if you remain in this relationship the way it is.

I don’t think it would be mean to issue an ultimatum; if you are pro-active and pro-resolution then counselling might give you a chance to see if he is capable of improving. Prioritise you and your child.

Closetbeanmuncher · 25/12/2018 19:33

@ChristmasFluff nailed it with the ball and Chain comment.

He's not participating in family life at all, or harboring his half of the financial responsibility - both are very basic relationship requirements.

notapizzaeater · 25/12/2018 19:36

He shouldn't be choosing not to,work when the family are struggling financially. Presents don't need to cost much. He has no respect for you,

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