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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Brother kicking off at Christmas. Again

8 replies

MinesaBottle · 25/12/2018 12:18

Well, another Christmas and another row.

Yesterday we had a massive blow-up from my brother when mum asked him not to bring the dogs for Christmas dinner (they’re nice dogs but there isn’t really room for them plus the family) and my DH backed her up. He totally lost it - I’m talking screaming and swearing and saying all kinds of horrible things, in front of his 5yo DD, and stormed out. He then texted my mum to tell her how horrible we all are.

I’ve had a really stressful few months. Work has been intense, our mum had major surgery earlier in the year, DH’s mum is dying and this just tipped over the edge. I couldn’t stop shaking and crying for hours. Then later in the evening I got a text from brother that was really nasty and vicious about my DH and me - I had nothing to do with the argument! It set me off again and I just broke, I spent half the night crying with mum and DH really worried and trying to comfort me.

Brother has always been a self centered arse tbh. Mum repeatedly asked him not to bring the dogs but he insisted and lost it when my DH gently suggested it wasn’t very respectful to our mum to insist on bringing them.

Sorry this is long. I’m not even sure why I’m posting this, I guess it helps to vent. There was a massive row last Christmas too. I’m so exhausted and I feel like this is the last straw.

OP posts:
RedTulip86 · 25/12/2018 12:47

Make it the last straw. Your brother has left you no choice. Vent as much as you like.

cheesywotnots · 25/12/2018 12:51

He sounds selfish, your mum needs to put her foot down and tell him his spoilt behaviour is totally unacceptable. What are you doing today, I would go non contact at the moment, you don't need this upset in your life.

missyB1 · 25/12/2018 12:52

Goodness what an aggressive and entitled man he is! Your poor mum, her own son treating her like that, I have adult children it would break my heart if one of them behaved like that.
I’m sorry you are so upset by it all. I think ignore any communication from him and all of you get on with Christmas without him. And leave him to stew he’s going to have to hope that people forgive him at some point.

MinesaBottle · 25/12/2018 13:01

We are getting on with it without him, which is quite nice actually! After the year I’ve had it was the last straw, I’m actually surprised by how I reacted.

My nephew came over last night to drop off presents; at least he is normal! I’m sure brother will have grilled him on everything that was said which wasn’t much as I’m not about to involve a young teenager in it.

OP posts:
pissedonatrain · 25/12/2018 13:01

He's quite abusive with anger issues.

I would cut communication with him until he can learn how to act like a normal human.

You can't tell you mum what to do but it would help if she stopped tolerating his meltdowns and ask him to leave if he even starts to kick off.

cheesywotnots · 25/12/2018 13:21

Have a lovely day, you don't need him around spoiling it for everyone, don't discuss it, he doesn't deserve the headspace. Xmas Smile

Doobee · 25/12/2018 14:01

Wow. He has huge issues. Don’t let him ruin your Christmas. He needs help. Professional help. How did he get away with this behaviour for so long? Was he like this growing up? I feel for you all. He can’t carry on getting away with this. Don’t pander to him and don’t let anyone apologise to him!! He needs to get anger management! Does he treat his own kids/wife like this?

MinesaBottle · 25/12/2018 14:21

Yep, he’s always been like this. He doesn’t go apeshit at his kids but both his long term relationships ended at least partly because of his temper and massive selfishness. He doesn’t work and lives in my gran’s old house, pays no rent or anything. Frankly he’s been enabled by us all over the years and I know we need to stop; my mum needs him though as he helps out driving her places etc (I don’t live nearby).

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