Step grandparent and name help

[Surfskatefamily]

My dad remarried a year ago
Iv got a son and they just sent christmas presents down from 'nanna and grandad' which seems a bit presumptuous to me. Theres been no discussion about being called nanna.
Im not really happy with it

I dont have a bad relationship with her, but i dont much of one.
Am i being silly here? I just want to know before i get on the phone to my dad about it. (A week or so after christmas so i dont get the blame for ruining christmas for them)

You are not being silly.
I have a step GC. Grandad is grandad and I'm Budgie, every one is happy, and I don't want to step on the toes of the other GPs.

Same here. DP is grandad and I'm 'Autumn'. We've been together since three of them were born.

since before

Hey I know this one is hard my mom remarried and then it became nanny n grandad but they did ask. My dad always had a girlfriend and was only called by her name. So it's a hard one. Personally I too would be upset so no you're not being unreasonable I'd have a gentle word about it.

My dc do call theirs nana and grandad but we sent gifts with nana and grandad on they didn't just presume.

If you're not happy I would just continue to call them whatever you want to call them to your dc

I think really presumptuous would be to start with the nanna when she was just a girlfriend. This sounds like the first time, so they’ve waited until they’ve been married a year - possibly even second Xmas married?

In view of that, I wouldn’t be that pissed off - if they’ve waited until after marriage I don’t think they’ve rushed straight in.

It would have been much better to talk to you first, but not rushing it would claw them back some points in my book!

I think I’d just let it go to be honest. My children have a collection of “grandparents” - including my husband’s late wife’s parents, my ex husband’s mother’s ex boyfriend’s new girlfriend (yeah my head hurts too!).

We don’t have special words for all these relationships and whilst I think first name and ask is the best option, I think if done in the context of someone caring about your child (directly, or as an extension of someone they love caring) I would let it go.

Identify exactly why you are annoyed so you can clarify properly when you speak to your dad. Are you annoyed on your mum's behalf? Purely because they didn't ask?

Do your children get on with her? Is she nice to them, and in a grandmother type role?

There may be better/bigger battles than this one, in the grand scheme of things, but you feel how you feel.

I mean slightly different situation but my niece got married and now on all the cards and presents to her or her partner my mum signs love granny, and some of my cards have been addressed to ‘nephew’, if it bothers you that she wrote nana, that’s fine address it with them and come up with something else, I’m sure they won’t mind.

That's different as you say

They're married. Does it matter?

Does your son have another Nanna? If so then YANBU, that name is taken. If not then I don’t see the harm in letting her be called Nanna.

I am a step parent and step-grandparent. The younger parents call me by my name and the step grandchildren call me Nonna. I believe this is from the family's original language from about 100 years ago.

As long as no-one feels their name has been taken over by what might be seen as a newcomer I would not object. I do agree though that there should have been a discussion and agreement on what the person was to be called by the younger children.

No you're nbu. My Dad is married to the woman he had an affair with, so even though it's been about 15 years, it still feels awkward.
They don't really bother with my kids at all, except special occasions.

My Dad always refers to her as Nanna, but really I don't think she deserves that title.

I really don't see any need to upset any one over it. I doubt your kids even really noticed? And if they did I doubt they are dwelling on it. As someone else said, just continue to call her what you all prefer to call her and I'm sure it'll get picked up on at the other end in time.

Is she Nanna to other grandchildren she has? My gran and papa aren’t my youngest sisters gran and papa but they still sign cards & stuff as such. Because that’s kinda became their names

My Ex remarried and once our DD'd child was born he just announced to DD that his new wife would be known as Nan to our GS. My DD is horrified, she's only met the woman once. Fortunately they never bother visiting so it's just a case of a Birthday and Christmas card each year. We actually never use the word Nan or Nanna in our family ( as neither did Ex) so it seems all the more bizarre

Im not going to be mean approaching it. But he does have a nanna and granny already. My dad was pissed off when my half sisters kids called her mums new husband grandad so he should understand.
Main reason is i dont have any motherly relationship with her so dont feel like she should be nanna.
Also this is his third wife, the last marriages didnt last long, and it will be easier explaining where 'name' went rather than an actual grandparent disappeared

Hopefully she does stay tho!
But still, i hope you can see my point.
I'll address it soon then

I thought no it all depends on individual family dynamics. I've always used my step parents name as neither of us felt comfortable any other way. However I'm happy for them to use a grandparents name. They've been around a long time and are every bit as much a grandparent as my parent is, regardless of not playing that parental role for me (due to age and circumstance)