Trying to save my marriage

[twinnywinny14]

DH and I had a heart to heart yesterday. We both feel stuck in a rut, things are difficult financially and health wise we have been poorly on and off most of the year so have had little time for anything except working and trying to hang on to our jobs. We both love each other and want to stay together but know that things need to change. We have had sex for about 3months and the day to day intimacy (holding hands etc) has gone too. We have agreed to get through Christmas and are both committed to making some changes in the new year. Just need some support and advice if possible, we have been married 5yrs and together for 6yrs with no DC x

Well done for realising things need to change. Phone Relate in the new year and arrange some couples counselling. Good luck. You can get through this. Work related stress and physical illness can make romance and intimacy take a backseat for most people.

Thanks Lou we are desperate to keep it together and get through it but have no idea where to start. We get along at least but just no more than friends in appearance at the moment

Talking to an impartial 3rd party will really help you get through this. If you both want to repair things, then you're already halfway there. Can you plan a weekend away in the Spring as something for you both to look forward to? Try and inject a bit of excitement and romance back into your lives.

You've done the hard part in recognising it and talking about it. Get some counselling to help you both understand and start with the little things like holding his hand, taking him a cuppa or go for a coffee or walk together. It's hard work being married but it's possible to get through tough times and come out better for it x

Another organisation to try is marriage care.
www.marriagecare.org.uk

They are a national UK charity. They have therapists trained in EFT (emotionally focused therapy), which tries to help understand each other's emotions and feelings.

The organisation is all about healthy relationships and getting them to a safe, loving secure place. That's the model they work to.

Sorry to hear things are tough.
If your dh is up to go to relate, then I would definitely advise this. Or even individual counselling.
Failing that, could you try and carve some time out one evening for a date night. It doesn't have to be dramatic it can just be a take away and a film. Or a drink at the pub if you want to be away from thinking about chores etc. Anything is worth trying.

He has said he will try anything so we will discuss relate etc after Xmas. We are both feeling positive and things have already been better today, we’ve been for a long walk with the dogs and had a drink in the pub on the way back which was nice, but we are also both feeling devastated that we’ve got here, we naively never thought we would be, but can see how we have.