Long time lurker and feel I need advice...
I have been with my husband for 9 years and married for just 4 months. Throughtout our relationship he has had depressive cycles and regularly abuses drink and drugs. Beneath all of these bad qualities and difficult cycles, we had such a strong friendship and relationship.
Over the years, he’s seen me as the stability and reached out during these periods of excess. He has never ever made me doubt him or his love for me. So just 2 weeks ago this changed. What started as a typical weekend bender has resulted in him ending our marriage. He says he is unhappy, trapped and feels like he needs space. He has avoided any conversation over the past 2 weeks and goes from being tearful to cold and distant...
He has a history of ignoring me when he’s out drinking or taking drugs however this is the longest stint yet and I am dreading the fall out. So far, out of almost 3 weeks, he has had two nights not drinking. I had originally thought there was another woman but his go to reaction is to go and get drunk and I know this is where he has been over the last couple of weeks (we live in a small town and or mutual friends have seen him and even voiced their concerns for him).
Since saying he's not happy and wants space, he has been more present at home and until this week, was getting into bed with me (I have ended this now). He's communicating with me on his whereabouts and has told his parents we're going through a rough patch..... but me that it is over.
In my gut I think it’s over and although I desperately want to reach out and help him, I feel he has removed his one piece of stability in his life... he recently had a promotion at work and since this seems to have spiralled further into the self destructive mood. Just a few short weeks ago he was discussing starting a family and we were due to move house (this has fallen through thank god) all of these conversations were instigated by him.
I just don’t know how I will be without him and hate having to withdraw to allow someone to realise their ‘happiness’. Any suggestions on how to process and handle this.... thank you