Husband dissapointed me again!!!!

[Lovelyivy]

My husband is a “good” husband. We have fun, good sex, supports me and helps around the house. BUT we don’t spend time together and especially when it’s somethimg that really MATTERS to me. Christmas is a big problem. My family invited us over and last minute he refuses to go (no reason-just doesn’t feel like it). It’s third time in a row. I feel lonely-I didn’t expect much from him and planned just to spend dinner (1-2hours) at my family house to make it easy for him. Last year he was all moody and just wanted to go home. Another day was running my marathon I trainer for for year ...he promised to be at the finish line and he didn’t showed up. I’m sick and tired making excuses for him so my family like him. What would you do?

Why do you think he's a good husband? It doesn't sound as though he is.

He sounds selfish to me. Does he ever put you first?

God he sound fucking awful
I mean truly awful
What would happen if something serious happened to you if he can’t even support you for something easy

Stop making excuses to your family for his non-attendance. Go to your family for Christmas and tell him that, if your family asks why he isn’t there, that he didn’t want to go. That’s what I’d do... for starters.

When I had a partner (my ex) I put them first. This means I spent many a Christmas with his awful family but I did it for him and neither did I make it obvious I didn’t want to be there. If he’d run a marathon I’d be in all different places along the route cheering him on as I’d be proud (I do this for my DB).
Your DH is selfish, lazy, thoughtless and self centred. My ex was like this, which is why he is now an ex. You deserve better xx

He sounds horrible OP. Not a "good husband" at all, and certainly not supportive

He sounds dreadful. He needs to be there for you!

Do you tell him how upsetting his behaviour is and what is his response?

Does he actually enjoy going out when it's things for himself or his own family? Is it just you he doesn't make the effort for,or is he an antisocial sod (I'm one of those) in general?

Does he have anxiety? Men can suffer as well.

You definitely deserve better than this. He sounds horrible. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone like him? A good marriage isn't just about sex and housework.

Don't bother making excuses to your family about him, believe me they already know. He lets you down when you need him to support you and embarasses you in front of your family.

Go to your families without him, I bet they dont want him there either. You need support from people who love and care about you because he certainly does not sound very caring.

You really deserve better than this op. I hope you can still have a decent christmas.

Have you asked him why he doesn't want to go? We like Christmas by ourselves, my husband didn't enjoy going to my family's house when we used to, it wasn't anything personal, I think we just like being at home at Christmas and while my mum's could feel like home for me it didn't for him. Likewise I wouldn't like to go to his parents on Xmas day (would do for other days). So we do our own Christmas at home and love it.

(But the marathon thing is shit!)

I talked to him about why is he not going but he just said he doesn’t want to! Last year he didn’t say a word during the family visit and the only thing he said all night was “when are we going home”. When I talk about family it’s only my sister and her bf who are the same age and very fun to be around. He seems antisocial to me, but he goes out with his friend once a week (never takes me with him so not sure how he behaves around his friebds). We have a toddler so I can’t go with him.

If we would stay home on Christmas he wouldn’t want to celebrate it anyway as he doesn’t understand Christmas. I think one more reason why it shouldn’t matter to him to go to my sisters for a dinner and drink

I can understand the not going to family dinners. I hate them. I'd rather stay home. Social anxiety.

Now the Marathon. That was rude him not being there. What was his excuse why he didn't go?

“He doesn’t understand Christmas”

What?!

What do you mean he doesn't understand Christmas. It's not hard to understand surely?

Go by yourself and don't make excuses for him anymore. You do understand Christmas and shouldn't miss out because he doesnt care if you're comfortable or having fun or not.

He grew up in poor family in Africa. He sees Christmas as materialistic holidays and getting and giving stuff no one really needs. This year (tomorrow) I bought our son all Christmas gifts and one for both of us (ticket for stand up). But I already know that’s all that’s gonna be under the Christmas tree

Please clarify what you mean by "he doesn't understand Christmas"

Go to your sisters with your toddler. I would if it was me.

X posted.

Perhaps the cultural differences are more of an issue than you thought.

Does it create other problems for you?

He doesn't sound like a good husband to me, he sounds like a complete misery. Stop making excuses for him and go without him, don't let him isolate you from your family.

Seems strange to me. Does he have family in Africa. Could he be missing them and finding family time tricky? Suppose not everyone celebrates Christmas for religious reasons but I would hope that he could suck it up for a few hours for your sake (and your dc's??). Does he go to your parents house at other times of year?

We both have parents aboard. He never goes to my sisters house even they invite us 3x 4x times a year and they help us look after our son when we need (so I find it ungrateful of him as well).

They help us a lot (once every two weeks they take him for the whole day). At the beginning they just wanted to get to know him and now I think no one really cares but it hurts me. I’m not putting our son to sleep at my sisters house and he’s been calling and looking for daddy