How to cope?

[willbefine88]

He broke up with me 4 months ago, we dated briefly a few months but the feeling was very intense. We also work together. When we broke up, he made up this story that he has something in his past he needs to work on and deal with and he likes me a lot but he’s not ready to continue.

I believed all that shit. Even though it killed me inside.

Until 2 weeks ago, I found out that he is chasing/pursuing another woman at work, he’s pulling out all the sweet gestures and affections which he used to give to me. This is like a massive stab in my heart I felt like my world is spinning and thrown upside down (for the second time, first was one he broke up with me).

For the past 4 months I have gone into a very dark place, I had counseling and diagnosed with anxiety disorder etc. Seeing him at work everyday was hard but I thought I was about to be ok and made peace with it until now seeing them both like that, it made me feel cheated on, used, demeaned and I’m so so hurt all over again. This is because during the time we dated, all the things and promises he told me, he was the one who was more affectionate...and I believed all that. Even when we broke up I was convinced that he’s struggling and he needs to deal with the ghost in the past (he has some guilt issues with a past relationship).

I’m looking to move job, but it’s not easy, most likely will be very difficult to. I just don’t know how I can cope. Any advice will be much appreciated.

Sorry to say, but it does seem that the issues are not only with him, but with you, too.
You only dated a few months as you said. Not nearly long enough for this anquish.

Something wasn’t working for him, so he moved on. It’s not about cheating on you or demeaning.
Do keep getting counselling and hopefully get to the bottom of why this affected you this much. Ideally, deal with air before you date again.

I feel for you as it sounds like you let your guard down for this person and let him in and he completely took advantage of that. For a lot of men they like the chase, they want to break down your barriers and have you NEED them. Once they have you, they discard you like they never cared and move onto the next victim. The same will go for this woman trust me. He won't want her in Summer, it's only a Winter thing and then when he discards her, he'll have two women at work that hate him.

Personally I would take this time to work on you. Go completely No Contact with him. The Baggage Reclaim and podcasts are amazing for building strength and self esteem again after something like this. I experienced similar, and even months later I still have low moments. It's tough, but you know you dodged a bullet even if it hurts. xx

What a piece of shit. OP I have been in your shoes many many years ago. He didn't have the balls to break up with me and made up this story about some huge life problem that he had to deal with. To think I was so concerned for him... Later found out he was seeing someone else.

Anyway, I got over the scumbag, and so will you. I have no words of advice except that it will take time, maybe a long time, and as cliche and nonsensical as it sounds, you are better off without him. He is the one incapable of having adult conversations, he is the one resorting to lies and manipulation to pull people in. Be thankful that it was only a few months, that you didn't have a longer relationship with him, that he didn't have a chance to leave you after engagement, or at the altar, or with a couple of children. You read about all sorts of people like that on this forum. Travel a bit if you can and try to fill the void in your life with other things rather than waiting for a man to give you the purpose and meaning the you might be missing.