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Original poster

Erectile Dysfunction- Sildenfil not working

30 replies

Serenity52 · 24/12/2018 09:51

I've been with my boyfriend since April. But it's only been in the last 3 months or so that we've discovered that he has erectile problems. He cant get hard. This might be TMI but is the only way I can explain.

Even when we are in bed and not wearing any clothes nothing happens to him down there. When he is giving me oral nothing happens to him down there. I'm thinking to myself wtf is wrong with you? Your 35 and you cant even get turned on.

It's like he's just happy to stick his fingers down there and just rub me which is not how I come. It's like he has to be told what to do as he seems a bit gormless.

It's in all areas. He has never offered to cook me a nice meal. He owns his own house. The other night I stayed over at his having been at his house all day. Once again it's me asking "so what are we doing for dinner tonight?"

Errrrr I dont know. Errr I got a pizza that we can have. So he puts the pizza in the oven and I make a salad to go with it. The pizza is hard, cold and burnt around the edges.

This post was originally about his erectile problems but I'm providing an overview as to how he seems to act in other areas. To me he doesn't seem switched on.

In trying to get to the route cause of his ED, he tried over the counter medication which didnt work. Then he was given a stronger dose. Even that doesn't help.

He tends to say stupid things like I ate a banana last night. I've heard that they help with ED. Really? A banana?

This guy is 35 and nothing is happening. I dont think he has any relationship history from what I know. He doesn't see many friends either but they are coupled up and live far away so only sees his parents at the weekend.

I asked if he felt depressed or has any history with mental health. He said no. Sometimes he has felt stressed about working from home but is now based at the office a lot more.

So I really dont get it. I've asked if he wants this relationship and he says yes.

I wish he would be a bit more switched on and use his initiative a bit more and I'm not just talking about anything sexual but in all areas. I shouldnt need to keep telling a guy what to do.

OP posts:
pudding21 · 24/12/2018 09:56

Sounds like you’re not matched and you don’t sound like you like him much dysfunction aside. I think you should take a look at what you want and walk if he can’t meet your needs.

Weenurse · 24/12/2018 10:00

Does he have any other health problems, is he over weight?
Does he have diabetes? All of these contribute to ED.
It may just be he is anxious or you are not physically his type but he does not know this.
Good luck

Celebelly · 24/12/2018 10:00

It doesn't sound like you're very compatible, even without the ED. Is it worth persevering with all the ED stuff when you don't really seem that keen on him to begin with?

Original poster
Serenity52 · 24/12/2018 10:18

He's never had a girlfriend so how can I possibly know what his physical type is? He wanted me to meet his parents again this evening but to be honest I think I've reached a point where I've had enough.

I have tried and tried to hold out. I even found these active man tablets from the internet to help with getting an erection so I have done my best to look into it myself but its wearing me down.

I dont think you can teach someone to get a clue. They either have it or they dont.

He isnt overweight. He is very thin. He has been tested for prolactin and testosterone levels.

Sildenfil normally works in most cases. It's the strongest dose.

We dont see each other a lot due to my job and his as he lives near to Worcestershire border in Stourbridge and I'm nearer to Bham City Centre but try at least once a week.

I think it's the stupid things he says and lack of initiative that is starting to grate me.

And as for the viagra having no effect on a 35 year old man... no idea. He says I am really pretty/attractive...i wouldn't find anyone like you again...his words to me so I dont know.

OP posts:
ISdads · 24/12/2018 10:22

You don't like him. Do you come when you have sex with him? Viagra only works if there is attraction there, so he might just not fancy you/be gay but not accepted it etc. Why are you persisting with this relationship?

showmeshoyu · 24/12/2018 10:23

Those drugs only work if there's actual desire. They're not an aphrodisiac. He sounds like he's sadly a non-entity of a person and you're not going to fix him. You know what you need to do.

xpc316e · 24/12/2018 11:52

Sildenafil works best on a completely empty stomach. If I eat anything at all in the 4-6 hours prior to taking it, it has no effect whatsoever on me. It ruins the concept of spontaneity to have to plan not to eat anything, but if it results in a decent erection then it is worth it.

Original poster
Serenity52 · 24/12/2018 12:04

To the person who asked if we've ever had sex? The answer is no. Because he isnt able to

OP posts:
bigchris · 29/12/2018 11:38

You've been together nine months and never had sex ? Shock

Gfplux · 29/12/2018 11:41

Please, you need to stop this relationship.

NotTheFordType · 29/12/2018 11:44

I've been with my boyfriend since April. But it's only been in the last 3 months or so that we've discovered that he has erectile problems

Op, does this mean that for the first 4-5 months you didn't have any sexual activity at all? Did that not strike you as strange?

He sounds frankly clueless. I wonder if he's actually asexual or gay and in denial, and has got himself a girlfriend purely so family/friends think he's "normal".

It certainly doesn't sound like he puts much thought or effort into the relationship even leaving aside the sex issues.

funnylittlefloozie · 29/12/2018 11:49

Normally i would say, ED isn't a total deal-breaker, as long as he has some sort of a clue in bed and enjoys giving you pleasure. I went out with someone who had problems with maintaining an erection, but who LOVED going down on me (and was good enough at it that after a while, i didnt care about his erection!!). From the sounds of it, though, this man does not make that effort for you, either in bed or in any areas of his life.

TBH, it sounds like there is something wrong with him - a MH problem, or a learning difficulty, or something else. Dont get sucked into being his 'rescuer' - if he was really in to you, he'd be making the effort to tackle his ED, thinking of things to cook for you, etc. He's found a mug or possibly a mummy-substitute. Bin him off and find yourself a proper partner.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 29/12/2018 11:53

You’ve got the”ick”. Once you’ve got it, it won’t go.

Constant nagging and berating won’t help him get an erection...the opposite. I hope you don’t speak to him the way you’ve written about him, you sound mocking and cruel. Just end it, you don’t like him let alone fancy hin.

category12 · 29/12/2018 11:53

What are his good qualities? I can't really see why you're hanging around and trying to make it work from what you've said.

You don't sound like you like him much and you don't sound suited, so what's the point?

Birdie6 · 29/12/2018 12:17

Regarding the Sildenfil ( Viagra), does he know that he has to masturbate for it to work ? The penis doesn't just go hard when the man takes it - he has to give his penis a bit of stimulation as well. It works about 30 minutes after he takes it, so it's best for the man to take it when sexual activity is planned, then for him or you to masturbate him until he gets an erection. After that it should last for about half an hour.

If nothing is happening even with Viagra, there are alternatives, ie Cialis and even injectable drugs. He needs to see an ED specialist to get those. But frankly he sounds like a rather hopeless sort of guy , or maybe he is addicted to porn and can't get an erection under normal circumstances. Good luck.

Toddlerteaplease · 29/12/2018 12:29

My other half took viagra connect but I didn't work and he said it made hi feel ill so he won't give it a second go.

Original poster
Serenity52 · 29/12/2018 12:36

I'm sorry but the bloke needs to get a grip. He CLEARLY has issues and I'm not going to put up with being a counsellor anymore and sacrificing my happiness.

Its REALLY not that difficult to use a bit of initiative for hiding differing girlfriend to make her feel wanted and loved.

This is why men act and behave like this, because of people on her doing the pity act. Pitt doesnt make the man does it?

He needs to go and fix his issues. Pretending that everything is ok is deceitful.

You know deep down you wouldn't be putting up with it yourselves but can sit here giving it the moral high ground.

Interesting.

OP posts:
ButteryParsnips · 29/12/2018 12:38

If you know that already, I'm not sure why you posted. Just dump him now!

Original poster
Serenity52 · 29/12/2018 12:40

It's about time we stopped with the pitying act. This has been going on since August. It is not normal. No relationship experience at the age of 35 is not only questionable but pretty abnormal. It would be normal if he isnt into women and never has been, has lived a sheltered life or he has mental health problems.

Just dont expect me to deal with it any longer thankyou. I deserve to be happy.

My last words to him was to go and see a qualified counsellor. If he wants a lifetime on his own with no family and children then it's up to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Serenity52 · 29/12/2018 12:42

I've ended it ok!! Sick of people here acting like know it alls. In what bloody universe is this ok?

You wouldn't put it with yourselves would you so stop acting like a hypocrite.

OP posts:
funnylittlefloozie · 29/12/2018 12:47

Er, are you ok?

Babydontcry · 29/12/2018 12:49

Ru ok? It's just your response seems a bit extreme for what looks like generally supportive responses

Dan89 · 29/12/2018 12:50

Wow. You sound like a real catch.

JustKeepSwimmingJustKeepSwimmi · 29/12/2018 12:52

Hmmm. I'm 10 years into this and nothing changes.... I'm committed as we have kids and our lives are intertwined.

But would so recommend you don't go there. Xxx

Notmorewashing · 29/12/2018 12:53

Wow charming It’s not his choice to have this problem!

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