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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Situation with a colleague.. What to do

4 replies

Justfdoit09 · 23/12/2018 19:09

First post to help me put things into perspective. Basically there is a colleague at work I have fancied for a long time. We are both single, he is a few years older and a bit higher up in our company. To my amazement, attraction appeared to be mutual, we have worked together a lot over the last year and grown closer talking about personal life etc. He would always seek me out at work drinks and recently admitted he liked me. There has been texts in the evenings at first work related then personal stuff and a bit flirty. I admit I have been enjoying this attention. I was hoping one day he would make a move and maybe things would move forward between us. Well we had our Christmas party earlier in the week and it was just so different. We had a chat at the beginning but then started talking to other people and he never made an effort to come and talk to me like he normally does. At one point he appeared to be flirting with another lady who was there with her colleagues also having their work party. I was amazed by the strength of my feelings and felt very jealous and sad. To me this suggests that he is not into me as much as I hoped. He probably likes flirting with me and enjoys attention but that’s probably it. It was getting late and I got up to leave and saying goodbye to people including him, he hugged me and held me but I pulled away quickly (normally enjoy this bit) and walked out without looking at him. Now I am agonising that he knows I was annoyed by the lack of attention and worried I gave away how much I care about him and now that I have realised he probably doesn’t i feel like a fool. Can anyone think of a way to let him now that the manner in which I left has nothing to do with him? It sounds ridiculous I know but I cringe inside. Also, now I just want this feeling to end, I don’t wan to be addicted to that fuzzy feeling every time he texts or puts his arm around me. Just want to move on..

OP posts:
TooTrueToBeGood · 23/12/2018 19:13

Stop acting like a teenager. Tell him how you feel and make it or break it.

maximumcarnage · 23/12/2018 19:14

Good evening, you say he recently admitted to liking you? Did you reciprocate? If not perhaps he thinks you’re not actually into him. And hence at the Christmas party gave you a wide and respectable distance?

ScreamingBadSanta · 23/12/2018 19:14

He probably likes flirting with me and enjoys attention but that’s probably it.

I think you've hit the nail on the head with this. You're both single, you have been responding to his flirting - if he wanted to take things further he'd have made a move by now.

I don't think you should try to explain your manner of leaving. I would just keep things friendly but impersonal and professional from now on. You're right to draw back before you become addicted.

You sound like a very level-headed, insightful person - I hope you'll be able to move on quickly and find someone who wants the same as you.

Justfdoit09 · 23/12/2018 19:41

Thanks for the replies. When he said he liked me I admitted I liked him too. He then kissed my on my hair (?) and we parted to get our respective trains.
BadSanta- thanks, I have always thought I was quite logical but this whole crush/friendship thing has done weird things to my brain. I won’t text then and try and keep busy over the Christmas break so as not to overanalyse.

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