Marriage is broken - Don't want to fix it

[nutcrackedagain]

That title sounds dramatic, but it's really not.
Been married 5 years, together nearly 13. One DS just at school.

I don't love my husband any more. I don't think I have for a while. He's not an awful person, but I find that I struggle to like him all that much most of the time just lately.

We don't row, but we've got through whole periods of basically not talking through lack of things to say rather than it being because we've fallen out. We got together when I was 21, and my life has changed a lot since then, whereas I'm not sure his really has - I made all the changes when we had our child, and gave up everything to so he could follow his dream job to a new city. I've made a real life for me where we are now, and I think it's made me realised how unfulfilled I am in this relationship. It's not that he's purposefully limited me or anything, but his lack of drive to do anything other than watch a million sports matches on TV is bringing me down.

I've tried to involve him with my friends, but they've commented on how I don't seem like myself when he's around, like I'm a shadow of myself.

We've spoken about our relationship in the past, and he's promised to change things, as have I, but nothing seems to stick for long. I don't think we're good for each other anymore.

I realise the upheaval for our DS would be unpleasant, but I'm in my early 30s, I don't want to be stuck in an unhappy marriage for the rest of my 30s just to avoid a bit of unpleasantness in the present.

I realise I sound horrible here... and that this is really selfish. I'm just so tired of being annoyed with him, and I think we'd be happier apart in the long run.

I've only just gone back to work and finally have my own income for the first time since DS was born - I'm going to start squirrelling some funds away. I'm not on the mortgage for the house, and I don't have credit cards or any debt.

I just don't really know how any of this would work? Especially with regards to the house. I'm sad that it's got to this point, but I don't think I can carry on being miserable.

Finances are shared in a marriage, though, so it doesn't matter if you squirrel money away or if he is the only one on the mortgage. Everything's split and you have to declare it all. That's not to say you shouldn't be saving, though.

I think when you don't like your partner, that's the end of it, really.

Did he deliberately leave you off the mortgage?

As far as I'm aware it's still a marital asset if you split.

Have you considered marriage counselling ? Or have you totally checked out?

HollowTalk We don't have any joint accounts etc. As far as I'm aware that means credit scores etc are all separate. Squirrelling is probably a poor choice of words on my side, it's more of a contingency fund?

SandyY2K He told me we'd be better off if i wasn't on the mortgage as I was working part time. I'm not sure how true this is?

And I'm not sure marriage counselling would do much tbh. I think I have checked out. It's been going on so long, slowly chipping away me, I don't feel like there's much left to fight for.

As you're married you'd have at least equal rights to the house. See a solicitor to find out what you need to be doing and how much you'd be entitled to. Also check the entitledto.com website to see what tax credits you would get.

Credit scores are separate, but a marriage is a legal partnership and all profits and debts are shared, legally.

HollowTalk That makes sense, thank you. Not trying to cheat him out of anything, I have nothing to hide away money wise! I'd like to hope we'd be able to remain amicable, there's no hatred between us, more ambivalence I guess.

I would check with a solicitor but the thing about it being better not to be on the mortgage. It may just have been to make the paperwork easier but it wouldn't have been to be better off.

However, are you named on the house as a co-owner? If not, you have an equitable interest as you're married but you do need a solicitor.